Lean on Me
by ShelbyandRachelforever
Summary: When lonely Rachel can't handle her feelings of abandonment and neglect, who will be there to save her? Can she be saved?
1. Chapter 1

Rachel stumbled up the apartment complex, kicking her heels off as she walked to the sought out door. Her feet were killing her but that was nothing compared to the pain she was feeling on the inside. Ten hours ago, New Directions lost Regionals. Nine hours ago, Rachel was told by her mother that there was no place for Rachel in her life. Eight hours ago, Rachel found out that her mother was adopting Quinn's newborn baby girl. Now 4 hours into the after party, Rachel was on a mission to seek answers.

Leaves, dirt and grass caked her dress, legs and arms. Lets just say, the three block walk had been an interesting one. The girl could barely talk straight, let alone walk and had found herself flat out on the ground about 15 times. Half the vodka was missing from the Grey Goose bottle she gripped in her right hand, of course most of that had been spilled along the way and hadn't actually been consumed by the 15 year old.

Reaching the apartment, Rachel began pounding her fists on the heavy wooden door. A light from the inside flicked on, followed by the porch light. Seconds later the door opened, revealing a shocked and concerned Shelby. What was Rachel doing at her apartment? Was that a vodka bottle in her hand?

"Rachel?" Shelby said, pulling her cotton robe closer to her body as the chilly May breeze hit.

"In the flesh." Rachel harshly said.

"Honey, what are you doing here?"

"I'm sorry, am I inconviencing you?" Rachel asked, taking a small sip of vodka. Yes Rachel, 2am is an inconvience but no way was Shelby going to tell her that.

"No, um. Why don't you come in?" Shelby said, widening the door to allow Rachel to get by.

"I'm fine out here."

"We won't disturb the neighbors if we go inside." Shelby quietly tried to usher Rachel into the apartment but Rachel wasn't having it.

"Why? Afraid they might find out what a horrible mother you are?" Rachel bit, pulling back from Shelby and almost falling on her butt. Shelby helped her regain her balance and nearly dragged her into the apartment and shut the door.

"Sit down." Shelby said, leading her to the couch. As Rachel sat down, she went to sip from the bottle again but Shelby snatched it from her. "Give me that."

"Hey, that's mine. You can't have it."

"You're underage and it is illiegal for you to have it. You know if you had gotten caught by a cop, you'd be in serious trouble."

"What do you care, you're not my mother." Rachel glared.

"This is also my house and you will not be drinking while you are here." Shelby said, throwing the bottle in the trash can and walked back into the sitting area. "Now why are you here?"

"To talk to you." Rachel slurred.

"About?"

"Why you think you can't be my mom."

"We are not having this conversation when you are drunk." Shelby shook her head and held out her hand. "Give me your phone so I can call one of your dads to come and get you."

"No."

"Rachel give it to me." Shelby demanded, not in the mood to deal with a drunk, stubborn teenager.

"No, it wouldn't make a differnce anyway, they are on their way to the Bahamas and won't be back until Friday." Rachel said and got up, heading towards the door.

"Where are you going?" She asked, holding the door shut.

"Well you don't want to talk so I am leaving."Rachel said, pushing on the door handle. She became increasingly annoyed as she fumbled with getting the door open. "Let go!"

"Fine." Shelby said, removing her hand from the door.

"Thank you." Rachel grumbled, the door wouldn't budge and she dropped her hands in annoyance. "Damn it! Your stupid door is broken."

"Try pulling on it." Shelby rolled her eyes. Rachel did just that and the door opened, without any problems.

"Well, that's..that's.." Rachel stuttered for something to say and when she couldn't find any words, she turned to Shelby. "I'm leaving now."

Shelby stood on the front porch and watched Rachel storm down the sidewalk. Being drunk, angry and hurt was not a good mix for Rachel. Forgetting that she had tossed her shoes off in the middle of the sidewalk, Rachel tripped over one of the silver stilettos and landed on her stomach. Rachel got back on her feet and tried to pick up the offending shoe but she got dizzy and landed on her butt. Shelby walked the 15 feet to Rachel and knelt down next to her. Rachel began crying and looked up to her mom with sad eyes.

"Why are you replacing me? Aren't I enough?" Rachel sobbed.

"I'm not replacing you. Beth needs a home and I need a family." Shelby told her.

"But I'm your family."

"You came from my body but you belong to your dads. I gave you up Rachel, so they could have a family." Shelby said, pulling Rachel to her feet. "I want a baby of my own, to raise and love."

"You don't love me?" Rachel asked, with tears streaming down her face.

"I do love you, Rachel."

"But not like Beth, right?" Rachel whispered and Shelby didn't say anything. Rachel shook her head, wiping her eyes and nose. "I see, well sorry for bothering you tonight. I'm sure you need to prepare for your true daughter's arrival."

"Rachel, wait." Shelby called out as Rachel stumbled down the sidewalk. It hurt her to watch Rachel's weakened body drag itself in the direction of her fathers' house. The girl didn't stop to acknowledge that Shelby had called out to her.

Rachel walked into the empty house and woefully climbed the stairs to her bedroom. Her mother didn't love her the way she should and that hurt. Sitting on her bed, Rachel took out her phone and composed a message to the only person in the world who seemed to even care about her. It was hard to see the buttons on her phone but she managed to get out what she needed to say.

Shutting off the phone, she dropped it to the floor and walked into her fathers' room, across the hall. The bathroom medicine cabinet was stocked of different toiletries and bottles. Pulling multiple things from the small shelves, she found that bottle she was looking for. Rachel needed it all to go away as she couldn't take the pain and abandonment anymore.

Finn re-read the message for the tenth time, trying to figure out what Rachel was talking about. He knew she had been drinking and there was a chance that it was just a drunk ramble text but there was something about the text that worried him. What did she mean by needing to be free from the hurt?

He dialed Rachel's number but it went directly to voicemail. It wasn't like Rachel to not have her phone on. Going down to the basement, he found Kurt setting up to do his nightly skin treatment.

"Hey we need to do to Rachel's house."

"Why is she puking?" Kurt chuckled.

"No, she left me this message." Finn said, handing Kurt his phone. "Now she's not answering her phone."

"This is not good." Kurt said and grabbed his car keys from his blazer pocket.

The brothers ran out to the car and headed to Rachel's house. A few lights were on in the livingroom, Rachel's room and hallway when the boys walked in. There was no sound anywhere in the house and they spread out to start searching.

Kurt took the stairs two at a time and checked Rachel's room. She wasn't in there but he noticed the bathroom light on in the master bedroom. Rachel was laying on the floor with pills scattered around her and the tap was running in the sink. He shut off the water and knelt to the ground, shaking Rachel but she didn't move.

"Finn! Finn! Up here hurry!" Kurt shouted. "Finn!"

"Rachel!" Finn gasped, walking into the room. He felt for Rachel's pulse but it was low and tried to wake her up but he had just as much luck as Kurt. "Call 911."

Kurt pulled his phone from his pocket, dialing the number and calling for help. Finn lifted her up and carried Rachel down to the livingroom couch. Getting a cool wash cloth, he draped it over her forehead. Finn wasn't sure if it was going to help but he was going to do anything he can to save her life.

The paramedics and police officers arrived 6 minutes later and the EMTs began working on Rachel. Two officers, pulled the boys out of the house to get statements from them.

Shelby paced the small kitchen and tried to call Rachel again. The girl left less than 45 minutes ago and should have been home by now. She just wanted to make sure Rachel had gotten home and was safe. Shelby regretted letting Rachel leave without trying to offer her a ride or suggesting Rachel sleep on her couch. Grabbing her keys from her purse, Shelby decided to go and check on her. She was already awake and losing another 30 minutes or so of sleep wasn't a big deal.

Coming up to Rachel's street, she was stopped by a police officer's car that was barricading the street. Several houses down, Shelby noticed the bundle of flashing lights in front of Rachel's house. Her eyes darted around trying to figure out what was happening. As she scanned the house, Shelby's eyes turned to focus on the front door as the paramedic's wheeled a gurney out of the house. Her eyes widened seeing Rachel laying on it with an air mask on her face.

"Rachel!" Shelby screamed, throwing her car into park and getting out of the car. She ran past the barricade and up to the ambulance. She watched as Rachel was loaded into the back and she tried to go in after her but was stopped.

"Ma'am, you can't come in here." One of the EMTs said.

"She's my daughter." Shelby tearfully said.

"I'm sorry but there isn't enough room. You can meet us at Lima Community Hospital." He said and closed the doors on Shelby. The ambulance took off down the street and Shelby tried to breathe before she headed back to her car.

"Miss Corcoran!" Kurt said running up to the SUV.

"Kurt what happened?" Shelby asked, rolling down the window.

"She tried to kill herself." Kurt said, tears spewing down his face. "She was barely alive when the EMTs took her out."

"Oh God." Shelby choked out. "Do you need a ride to the hospital?"

"No, Finn is waiting for me."

"Okay, well I will meet you there and we can talk more." Shelby said and the boy nodded, taking off for his own car.

Shelby waited for the boys to pass her before she followed them to the hospital. She tapped her fingers impatiently on the steering wheel as she sat through a red light. When it finally turned green the two vehicles turned down the street and into the hospital parking lot in the emergency section. Shelby noticed the ambulance had already been unloaded and Rachel was inside being treated.

The nurse told Shelby and the two boys that they needed to wait in the waiting room and a doctor would be out to speak to them as soon as possible. An hour passed by without a word being spoken between the three. Kurt and Finn were aware that Shelby was in the process of adopting Beth but they had no idea about the private conversations that had taken place earlier in the day and just a few hours ago.

"Have her dads been contacted?" Shelby asked, breaking the silence.

"Leroy lives in Florida now and Hiram is out of town on a business trip for the next three weeks, which is nothing knew. He's always gone, leaving Rachel alone." Finn answered.

"Are they on their way?" Shelby asked again more clearly as Finn hadn't really answered her question.

"Leroy hasn't talked to Rachel in 6 months. He changed his number and she doesn't even know how to get in touch with him, so he won't be coming. I talked to Hiram but he says he can't come home and is having Rachel admitted into the psych ward until he gets back." Finn said.

"She didn't tell me things were like this." Shelby whispered, sitting down.

"She tried but you didn't give her the time of day. You closed yourself off from her and made her feel like you didn't care just like her dads." Kurt quietly said.

Shelby was dumbfounded by the new information that had been relayed to her. How could her fathers not care about their daughter? Of course Shelby wasn't any better. How could she miss the signs of Rachel reaching out to her? Then she remembered when Rachel came to see her about her Lady Gaga outfit. Rachel asked for her help saying her dad was too busy to help her and the time Rachel told her the story about her daddy bringing her a glass of water when she was sad. Rachel had made a comment saying 'That was before Daddy left.' Was she really that cold-hearted that she ignored Rachel's statements?

Another two hours of silence passed before Rachel's attending doctor came out of the ER,. The three people crowded around him, waiting for answers.

"Rachel is gonna be just fine." Dr. Black assured them. "We pumped her stomach and now have her on a mild sedative. She will be ready to go home tomorrow as long as there is someone around to keep a sharp eye on her."

"Can we see her?" Kurt asked.

"She is in her own room as of 10 minutes ago but I would like to limit her visitors to just family for right now." The doctor said. "You're her mother?"

"Yes." Shelby almost hesitantly nodded.

"I'll have the nurse take you to see Rachel." He said before walking off.

Assuring the boys that she would call them with an update about Rachel, Shelby followed the nurse up to Rachel's room. Rachel was peacefully sleeping and Shelby was careful to not disturb her as she pulled a chair to Rachel's bed. For over three hours, Shelby had been afraid that Rachel wasn't going to make it and now seeing her little girl alive in front of her was more than Shelby could take and she began to cry. When she had no more tears to shed, she rested her head on the flimsy mattress and closed her eyes, holding Rachel's hand tightly.

Hearing the door open, Shelby sat up and turned to see the nurse walk in with a piece of paper.

"Hiram Berry is requesting that you call him right away." She said, giving the paper to Shelby and then left.

Shelby kissed Rachel's forehead before stepping out into the hallway to place the nerve wrecking call. The phone only had to ring once before Hiram picked up. "Shelby?"

"Yes, Hiram. Hi." Shelby greeted.

"I spoke to Rachel's doctor and he said you were with her."

"Yeah, uh just wanted to make sure she was okay." Shelby said.

"How did you know where to find her?" Hiram questioned. "You're not suppose to contact her until she is 18 or she finds you on her own."

"Rachel did find me herself." Shelby fudged the truth a little. "Last month but nothing has really come out of the reunion. Rachel and I have briefly talked about 4 times since reconnecting."

"Oh, I see." He said, his voice becoming less accusing and he took a small pause. "I wanted to talk to you about something."

"Okay, shoot." Shelby said, peeking into Rachel's room.

"I'm not able to return to Lima until this business thing is taken care of and I can't admit Rachel into the psych ward without being there in person, as they need me to fill out some forms."

"So you want me to do it?"

"No."

"Then what do you want?" Shelby asked.

"I need you to look after Rachel while I'm away. Obviously she can't be left alone and you are the only one left to take care of her." Hiram explained. "Would you be interested?"

"I'd love too but I'm not sure if Rachel would like that."

"She doesn't have a choice." Hiram stated. "I will call her when she is ready to be released tomorrow and explain that she is to go with you."

"Okay, I guess that will work." Shelby slowly said.

The two worked on little arrangements regarding money matters and whatnot before they hung up. Rachel was still asleep so Shelby decided to go up to the nursery and see Beth. As she rocked her baby girl, it hit her that Beth and Rachel would be coming home a few days later. How on earth was she going to handle her suicidal daughter and her newborn daughter? She thought about calling Hiram back but she didn't have the heart too and she even admonished herself for thinking about doing so in the first place. She was just going to have to deal with it one step at a time.

She fed Beth a bottle before she laid the baby back in her plastic bassinet and slipped out of the room to check on Rachel. Rachel had shifted to lay on her side but she was still passed out and Shelby decided that it was safe to head home to get some sleep. It was almost 8am before Shelby was in her bed and asleep herself. At noon her alarm went off and she reluctantly crawled out of bed to being getting her apartment ready for Beth and Rachel. Originally Beth was going to be in the spare room but Rachel was going to need her own space so she decided the crib should be moved into the master bedroom.

Luckily Beth's nursery hadn't been decorated or painted yet so it was still age appropriate for Rachel. The only problem was there wasn't a spare bed for Rachel. Remembering she had an air mattress, she figured that would have to do for now. She had two hours before Beth was going to be released and wanted to see Rachel before leaving the hospital. Shelby had gone shopping after Quinn and Puck let her adopt Beth and bought all of the necessities, however, all of her stuff was still in boxes and bags.

Calling Finn and Kurt for help, they agreed to come over and help out. They brought along Mike to help them out to make up for Kurt's lack of manly skills and muscles. The guys moved her bedroom furniture around to give Beth her own wall for her crib and changing table. While Shelby put together her carseat, Kurt got started on decorating Beth's space and Shelby had to admit the boy was a pro at interior design.

Grabbing the pink carseat and purple diaper bag, Shelby invited the three boys over for dinner the following weekend to thank them for helping her out and for finding Rachel before she could die. Shelby got Beth signed out of the hospital and watched as the nurses strapped her into the seat. Shelby carried the sleeping baby down to Rachel's room and she pushed the door open with her foot.

"Hey." Shelby gently smiled as she walked in and placed the car seat on the floor with the diaper bag.

"What are you doing here?" Rachel mumbled, staring at Beth. "How did you know I was here?"

"I showed up at your house to check on you last night and saw the ambulance." Shelby shortened the story.

"Oh." Rachel said, still watching the baby. "So you got Beth?"

"Yeah." Shelby nodded and glanced down at the baby at her feet, then back at Rachel. "So has your dad called?"

"I talked to them a half hour ago, they're trying to find a flight home." Rachel lied, not knowing that Shelby knew the truth.

"You don't need to lie to me anymore, I know the truth." Shelby said, sitting on the bed. "I know Leroy took off 6 months ago and Hiram is out of town for three weeks."

"Who told you?"

"Finn and Kurt, they were the ones who found you." Shelby bit her lip before continuing. "I was really scared Rachel."

"Of what?"

"Losing you."

"You don't have me to lose." Rachel bit.

"Rach, there is no excuse for the way I have treated you and I'm sorry for the things I have said. I-"

"Shelby, I don't care anymore. I just don't." Rachel sadly sighed, leaning back in against the pillow. "Why did they have to show up? I wanted to die."

"Don't say that." Shelby said as her chin quivered.

"What do you care, you let me walk away."

"If I had known that you were so broken, I would have never let you leave. If I had known any of this was going on in your life, I would have never left. I thought you had it all, Rachel. When I met your dads, they seemed like the most amazing people and the way you spoke of them made me think you had the perfect life." Shelby said, wiping a few stray tears away. "Looking back on the time we spent together, I realize that I wasn't paying enough attention to you and the hints you were dropping me."

"It doesn't matter." Rachel sullenly said, flipping to her side with her back to Shelby. "You can leave now, I'm sure you want to start your new life with your daughter."

"You're right, I do." Shelby said and laid her hand on Rachel's hip. "But I want to start my new life with both my daughters."

"You can't be my mom, remember." Rachel mumbled.

"I can, if you'll let me." Shelby hopefully said. "Your dad and I talked on the phone after you were brought up here. He asked me if I would watch over you until he gets back and I said yes."

"Why?"

"Because I was wrong about what I said to you and I am truly sorry. It took almost loosing you forever to realize that I can't let you go. You need someone to get you through this rough patch and I want to be that someone. I want to be the one person who is consistently at your side, holding your hand. Please give me the next three weeks to prove that I really mean what I am saying right now and if you feel that I haven't proven myself or that I can be in your life, I will leave you alone."

"What about Beth?"

"She'll be there too so that means you're gonna have to work with me a little bit and I don't mean that you have to help out with her. I mean that I need you to take it easy on me the first week. I've never parented a baby or teen before so you have to understand that I'm learning this as I go. Do you think this is something you might want to try?"

"Seeing as I probably don't have any other choice, I suppose I'll have to agree." She sighed. Hiram called Rachel just a few minutes later and Beth began to get fussy in her seat so Shelby told Rachel she would be back later to come and get her. "Are you sure you can't come home sooner?"

"I'm positive." Hiram said not giving it a further thought. "You are not a child anymore Rachel, you need to learn to handle your issues in a mature, less dramatic way. I can't run home every time you need attention so stay with Shelby and I will be home in three weeks."

"Okay." Rachel whispered.

"Knock if off Rachel, it's not like I'm abusing you. I am doing what I need to do to keep a roof over your head."

"I know." Rachel said, trying to sound less upset.

"I have to go." Hiram said and hung up the phone without another word.

Too numb to cry, Rachel pulled herself into the fetal position and waited for her next round of drugs to be administered. She was only given a small dose as the nurses wanted her awake so she could attend a one on one therapy session with a child advocate.

She was in the middle of watching TV when Charlotte came into the room. Turning off the TV, she gave the red headed woman her full attention.

"Hi, Rachel. My name is Charlotte and I will be doing some one on one therapy sessions with you. The doctor says you can go home after your 72 hour watch is lifted but it is my job to make sure his assessment is a good idea. If I find that you are okay to leave, I will do a follow up at one, four and six weeks. So lets start by having you tell me how you are feeling right now, in this very moment."

"Fine." Rachel shrugged.

"Is anything specific bothering you?" Charlotte asked. "Anything you say to me, stays between us and the best thing you can do is be honest with me."

"No one cares about me." Rachel whispered.

"What makes you think that?"

"My dad left six months ago and I haven't heard from him since. My other dad couldn't even leave his business trip in Las Vegas to be with me and my mom recently said I had no place in her life, then she went and adopted my enemy's baby yesterday. Everyone just thinks that none of this bothers me, that I just forget any of this ever happened. Now Dad and Shelby want me to stay with her for three weeks until he comes back."

"How does that make you feel?"

"Well Shelby is realizing her mistakes but it leaves me a little apprehensive about what is going to happen after I go back to my house." Rachel said. "I just feel like I can't get too close to her."

"Have you two discussed the arrangement?"

"Sorta but not really. She asked me to give her a chance to show me that she can and wants to be my mom."

"So after telling you there isn't a place for you in her life, she is now begging to be there?"

"Yeah."

"That's gotta be confusing."

"I guess." Rachel shrugged, ready to end this conversation.

"How about we discuss healthy ways to deal with your emotions? Do you like to write?"

"Yes I do." Rachel nodded.

"Maybe you could have your mom take you to the store and get you a notebook that is specifically for journaling purposes. Don't force yourself to write when you don't want to, only when you feel like it and if you are comfortable enough talk to Shelby about any entries or concerns you have. Do you think you could talk to Shelby about your feelings?"

"Possibly."

"That's always another option or even your school guidance counselor and I will give you my business card so you can get a hold of me." Charlotte said, handing her a small card.

"Okay."

"If you feel like causing harm to yourself, there is a hotline you can call if you don't feel like you can go to Shelby. You are not alone anymore Rachel. You have a dedicated team of people standing behind you, who are willing to help you in anyway."

"Yeah." Rachel said, playing with the card. She truly didn't believe Charlotte's latest remark, no one cared about her and she needed to accept that. Shelby was only letting her stay with her because she felt sorry for her and as soon as she returned to school, glee club was going to go back to being mean to her. "So what happens now?"

"The doctor is going to come and check on you, then you will be moved to a temporary psychiatric hospital room for the remainder of your stay. While you are there you will participate in group therapy as well as continuing one on one sessions with me. A doctor will meet with you and your mom about medications to keep your moods stable. You'll be allowed two 1 hour visits a day."

"Do I have to do this?"

"It is all part of a required protocol for your release." Charlotte replied. "If you do all of these, you can be out of here by Tuesday afternoon."

"Ugh." Rachel growled.

"Is everything okay?"

"Peachy." Rachel sarcastically said, rolling her eyes. "Are we done here?"

"If that is what you want, we can finish this tomorrow."

"Lovely. I'm looking forward to it." Rachel folded her arms. Charlotte left and Rachel got out of bed to shut her door but a nurse reopened it moments later. "Seriously? Can I get some privacy?"

"Sorry, door has to stay open."

"There are fucking cameras in here." Rachel said pointing to the device in the ceiling.

"Sorry, hospital policy." The nurse said, leaving the room.

"You can take your fucking policy and shove it up your ass!" Rachel yelled, slamming the door. Again, the door was pushed open but this time two male nurses came in and pulled her to the bed. "Let me go!"

Her doctor came in with a female nurse. "Rachel you need to calm down."

"No! You all need to get off of me and leave me alone!" Rachel screamed.

She wiggled free from the grasp of the two males and ripped the phone from the wall, throwing it at them to keep them from advancing on her. The doctor whispered something to the woman next to him and she left the room, coming back with a needle and small bottle. Rachel was so focused on what the doctor was doing, that she forgot about the other people in the room. She was grabbed, pushed on the bed and held down so the sedative could be administered.

Rachel started sobbing as the needle moved closer to her skin and moments later the sobs subsided and the medicine began working. Rachel was moved under the blankets and had her arms safely secured to the bed, in case she had another outburst when she woke up. The nurses left and the doctor followed out to call Shelby and inform her of the recent incident.

Shelby was just laying Beth in her swing when her cell phone loudly buzzed on the counter, a few feet away. She quickly ran to answer it, hoping it didn't startle Beth awake. "Hello?"

"Miss Corcoran? This is Dr. Black."

"Oh, hello." Shelby greeted.

"I was just calling to update you on Rachel."

"Okay."

"We had to sedate her after an angry outburst and is being confined to her bed until she can be moved to the psychiatric unit."

"I thought you needed her father's permission?" Shelby asked, confused about all this hospital jumble.

"That's only for long term care." Dr. Black explained. "She will only be in the unit until Tuesday. Rachel will be meeting with a doctor later today to discuss medication options and you'll need to be there."

"Will she be okay to come home on Tuesday?"

"While her body adjusts to the anti-depressants, we are going to keep her on the mild sedative so she will be sleepy for the first two or three days home."

"I see, well is she okay now?"

"Yes, she is sleeping now and will be for the next couple hours."

"Could you perhaps call when she wakes up again, I'd like to come see her before she gets another dose of the sedative."

"I will have the nurses do that."

"Thank you." Shelby said.

She hung up the phone and laid down on the livingroom couch and took a short 30 minute lap, until Beth screamed to have her diaper changed. The hospital called Shelby three and a half hours later so Shelby got Beth's stuff together to go see Rachel. If Beth wasn't so tiny and new, Shelby would have found a sitter for her. This isn't exactly how Shelby pictured her first day with Beth would be but it was giving her the opportunity to make things right with Rachel.

"Thank God you are here." Rachel groggily said, lifting her retrained wrists up for Shelby to see the shackles. "Will you tell them to let me out of these things?"

"They're for your own good."

"Wonderful." Rachel angrily said and just as fast as she got angry, she became sad and started to cry. "I just want out of here."

"You won't be here forever. We're gonna get you set up with a therapist and some meds and it won't be long before you start feeling better." Shelby smiled at Rachel and reached to tuck some hair behind Rachel's ear. "And I'll be there every step of the way."


	2. Chapter 2

**If you are liking this story, I'll continue. Thank you for the reviews I have gotten so far.**

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><p>"Okay, you guys did great today and I am so proud of those of you who opened up and shared your stories." Al, the group therapist said, smiling at the group of 7 kids. "Rachel, could I see you for a moment?"<p>

"Sure." Rachel nodded and returned back into the circle of chairs.

"I'm concerned with you going home tomorrow." Al said as the two sat down to talk. "Your support system doesn't seem to be strong and that can cause a great set back in your road to recovery."

"I'll be fine. Everyone is just really busy right now but it will be okay." Rachel shrugged.

"Your mom seems to be trying to help. I know you two have a rocky relationship bu-"

"We don't have a relationship and I don't know if we ever will. She told me she didn't love me the way she loves her daughter, whom she had only known for a few hours and that there isn't a place for me in her life."

"She apologized for saying that, though. She also has said she wants to be there for you as a mom."

"But I can't get what she said out of my head and I'm scared that when these three weeks are up, she'll walk away again."

"Why would you think that?"

"Because that is what she does, Shelby walks away when things are too hard to deal with. I'm not normal, I don't dress like all the other girls, I'm not popular and I have mood swings every 5 seconds. Shelby is going to see that I am too complicated and realize that I'm not worth the time."

"So you are refusing to try and make a relationship with her?"

"Yeah, I guess you can say that." Rachel nodded.

"Based on an assumption you have?" Al said pointedly

"No based on her past actions."

"Prior to her leaving before, did she talk about wanting to be your mom?"

"No, she just wanted to reconnect, she didn't say anything but that if she stuck around it would be confusing for me." Rachel, thought back. "I needed her to take me away from it all but she just didn't care."

"So she didn't to ruin the perfect life you had made it seem that you had and left?"

"Are you saying this is my fault?" Rachel asked, folding her arms.

"No, not at all. I am just saying that you two need to sit down and talk about what happened. It all needs to be laid out on the table before you guys can learn to forgive."

Rachel was excused to the common room to wait for dinner. Sitting on the couch, she watched the other teenagers talking, watching TV or playing board games. Rachel hadn't even tried to make a friend in here as there was no point. No one liked her and wouldn't want to be her friend anyway. She was really surprised when a tall boy named Tyler sat down next to her.

"You're a pill popper right?" He asked, quietly. "That's what got you here isn't it?"

"I suppose you could say that." Rachel nodded.

"Wanna help me get some Xanax?" Tyler wondered, looking over his shoulder at the nurse with the medicine cart.

"Why would I wanna do that?"

"It helps take the edge off and once you go home, I can guarantee you will be on lock down and have your every move being watched." He said. "This way, you'll have your own secret stash."

"Alright, I'll help." Rachel agreed and after formulating a plan, the two partners in crime got up from the couch and walked over to Mary, the nurse. While Tyler distracted the nurse, Rachel glanced around to see if anyone was watching her. Seeing that the coast was clear, Rachel grabbed the bottle of pills and slipped it into the sleeve of her hospital uniform. Nonchalantly, she returned to the couch and Tyler followed shortly after that.

Tyler gave Rachel a small handful of 9 Xanax and took the same amount for himself. Mary came over 10 minutes later with their prescribed medicine and watched as Rachel took hers. Tyler purposefully took his time swallowing his so Rachel could sneak the bottle back on the cart when she got up to refill her water cup.

Rachel turned to smile at Tyler once they figured they had gotten away with stealing the pills, only to see him getting up and going over to a group of boys. Stuffing the pills in her bra, Rachel leaned her head back against the couch and closed her eyes. Tyler didn't want to be her friend, he just wanted the medicine and used her to do so. This wasn't new to Rachel. She had been used before, by Jesse, Finn and even her dads. A single tear rolled down the side of her face and pooled in her ear. Rachel felt a soft feminine hand, brush away the wet trail left on her cheek. Opening her eyes, she saw Shelby standing over her.

"What are you doing here?" Rachel asked, trying not to be too happy to see Shelby.

"Visiting you." Shelby smiled warmly as she walked around to sit next to Rachel. Shelby had been coming to see Rachel twice a day but never stayed for more than 30 minutes as Rachel barely talked to her or even acknowledged her presence. "You okay?"

"Yeah, just got back from group therapy and it left me a little upset but I took my meds not too long ago so I'll be okay."

"Do you wanna talk about it with me?" Shelby asked. "You can do that you know?"

"I know I can but I don't want too. I can't trust you." Rachel told her.

"Hopefully one day that will change."

"Guess that is up to you." Rachel replied.

The next day, after eating her breakfast, Rachel returned to her room and began packing her few personal belongings into a small plastic bag. Her stained dress was the only clothing she had to change into and it clung tightly to her slim body as she pulled the shimmery gold material over her head. Slipping the hospital slippers back on, she tossed her hospital outfit onto the bed and walked out of the room. Shelby had arrived and was signing Rcahel's release forms, when she saw Rachel walking up to her. Shrugging of her sweater, Shelby draped it across Rachel's shoulders.

"It's chilly out."

"Thanks." Rachel said, and pulled her arms through the sleeves. "I'm gonna wait by the door."

"Alright, I'm almost done." Shelby said, focusing on the papers.

While walking to the exit, Rachel pulled the pills from her bra and shoved them in to the sweater pocket for safer keeping. As soon as Shelby was done, she met up with Rachel and the two headed down to the car. Rachel put her bag by her feet and buckled her seat belt.

"So where is your daughter?" Rachel asked, purposefully phrasing her sentence in a way that would upset Shelby.

"Beth is at home with our neighbor."

"Your neighbor." Rachel corrected.

The two remained silent the rest of the ride to Shelby's and Rachel was glad for that. Rachel waited outside the car for Shelby to get out and then followed her up to the front door. She stood by the kitchen/breakfast counter and watched as Shelby dismissed the neighbor and scooped Beth from her bouncer. Shelby sat down on the couch with Beth and planted a few kisses on her nose. Looking over her shoulder, Shelby motioned with her head for Rachel to join her in the livingroom.

"Come sit down and make yourself comfortable." Shelby smiled. Rachel took of the sweater and laid it over the back of the recliner, then sat down. "Would you like to hold Beth?"

"When are we going to get my stuff?" Rachel asked, completely ignoring the question all together.

"I'd like to rest for a little bit before we go out again. Beth is gonna need a bottle and a nap soon, so we can go after she wakes up."

"What am I suppose to do until then?" Rachel asked.

"There's TV, DVDs, I have some books you can read."

"Fun." Rachel sarcastically said.

"We could talk." Shelby suggested. "About us, what lead you to taking the pills or just whatever is on your mind."

"I'd rather take a nap." Rachel scoffed and stood up. "Where am I sleeping?"

"I'll show you." Shelby got up and led Rachel to the back of the apartment. "Your room is right here and mine is across the hall. There is only one bathroom so we'll be sharing and that is next to my room. I will go get you some comfy clothes to sleep in."

"Fine." Rachel said, sitting on the air mattress.

"Would you mind holding her? It would be easier on me."

"Whatever." Rachel said and lazily held out her arms for the infant.

"Support her little head." Shelby coached.

"I know how to hold a baby." Rachel snapped.

"Right. Sorry." Shelby sheepishly said, straightening back up. She didn't appreciate Rachel's attitude but wanted to get the teenager down for her nap as quickly as possible to avoid a major confrontation. Shelby left the room and went into her own to get some pajamas for Rachel.

"What's so special about you?" Rachel asked the groggy baby. Her tiny little sleeper had the words 'Mommy's little girl' written across the chest in pink glitter and Rachel shook her head. " She was my mom first. Now I can't have her because you're here. I hate you."

Rachel, in a not very gentle way, laid Beth on the mattress and walked over to the window. With her back turned to the baby, she folded her arms and waited for Shelby to come back.

Shelby opened her dresser drawer and grabbed a pair of sweats and a tank top. Walking back into Rachel's room, she saw Rachel by the window and Beth on the bed fussing. "Why aren't you trying to sooth her?"

"She's not my kid." Rachel bit, not looking at Shelby. "You wanted a baby, you take care of her."

"Rachel, your attitude is getting out of hand." Shelby firmed up her voice. "By the time you wake up, I want you to have it in check. I understand you can't help your mood swings but you are old enough to control how you act when you are moody."

"Your daughter needs you." Rachel spun around and pointed to the baby, who was now starting to cry. Shelby shook her head and dropped the clothes and Rachel's phone on the bed.

"You can leave your dress by the door and I'll try to get the stains out of it. Kurt gave me your phone the other day so if you want you can call your dad or let your friends know that you are out of the hospital."Shelby said as she picked up Beth. "Whatever pleases you."

Shelby closed the door behind her as she left the room and Rachel picked up the phone. "I don't have any friends."

Changing into the clothes, Rachel dialed her dad's number as she walked the dress over to the door where Shelby told her to put it. It only took three rings before Hiram answered his cell.

"Rachel, what's up? I can't talk long so we have to make this quick." Hiram said.

"I was just calling to tell you that I got out of the hospital and am at Shelby's now."

"Okay, well tell her that I am going to call her later today or tomorrow to discuss you staying with her longer."

"What? Why?" Rachel whined.

"Stop acting like a baby. I need to extend my trip by two weeks. There is a lot going on here and I won't be able to leave until the accounting department is all straightened out."

"Why can't someone else do it? I need you here with me, Daddy. Please come home." Rachel said, begging.

"Someone else can't do my job, Rachel." Hiram snapped. "Right now my job is important."

"More important than me?"

"At this moment yes."

"But it shouldn't be!" Rachel angrily said.

"What does it matter to you? You're just gonna kill yourself eventually, so I might as well do something worth my time."

Tears filled Rachel's eyes and she hung up the phone. Sliding down the wooden door, she quietly sobbed into her knees. Wrapping her arms around her legs, she rocked back and forth. After crying for over an hour, she crawled onto the bed and laid with her head buried in the pillows. Two hours later, Shelby came into to wake Rachel up so the could go get her things before she took Rachel out for lunch.

Rachel stepped out of the black SUV and led Shelby to the garage, where she punched in the code to open the large door. Walking into the house, Shelby asked Rachel for some water to make Beth a bottle. Rachel took her into the kitchen and let Shelby do her thing, while she headed up to the second floor to collect some clothes. The house was the exact same as it had been very early Sunday morning. Rachel stood between the two bedrooms, telling herself to go into her room but the orange plastic bottle peered from the bathroom of the other room.

Stepping over to the bottle, she saw the 20 or so pills scattered around the floor. Kneeling down, she swept up a small handful and stared at the white pills. Her back was turned to Shelby so she didn't see the older woman walking into the room a few minutes later.

"Rachel?" Shelby cautiously said. Rachel quickly hid the pills in her hand, then stood up to face Shelby. "Is everything okay?"

"Uh, yeah." Rachel nodded and tucked her hair behind her ear, moving past Shelby to get out of the room. Shelby wasn't able to clean up the mess that very second so she closed the door to the master bedroom and walked into Rachel's room.

"Don't worry about forgetting anything, we can always come back later on." Shelby said, sitting on the small armchair in the corner of the room to comfortably sit while feeding Beth. Rachel didn't say anything but kept packing some things into a duffel bag and suitcase. Rachel moved to the desk and began putting her school stuff into her book bag. "Do you have any work you want to drop off at school before we go home?"

"Your home isn't my home and no, I will turn it in tomorrow." Rachel said, zipping up the pink and white polka dotted bag.

"We agreed that you would stay home from school the rest of the year and take your finals at home." Shelby said, burping Beth.

"No, you and the doctor agreed to that. No one asked me what I thought and I don't want to miss anymore school than I already have. There are two weeks left of the school year and I am going to finish them like everyone else." Rachel said, throwing her back pack across the room to where the rest of her luggage sat.

"Will you at least the rest of the week off and we can discuss returning on Monday?" Shelby asked, laying Beth on on the middle of the bed and getting up to walk over to Rachel. Taking Rachel's hands, Shelby softly spoke to Rachel to keep her from having a angry mood swing. "Please?"

"I won't go tomorrow but if I want to go Thursday, I'm going." Rachel told Shelby, pulling her hands away. "I'm ready to go."

"Alright, I'll carry your back pack." Shelby said, deciding it was best to leave the topic of school alone for now.

Rachel didn't want to go out to eat so Shelby made some vegan stirfry for Rachel and steak stirfry for herself. The second Rachel was done, she excused herself back to her bedroom. Rachel was upset and Shelby knew something was bothering her but decided she was going to give the girl some space before she went to talk to her.

Shelby finished eating and cleaned up the lunch mess and got started on picking up the livingroom. Tiny baby socks and burp cloths that littered the floor, couch and coffee table. She grabbed her sweater off the back of the recliner and carried it all into her bedroom. Beth was sleeping in her crib so Shelby tried to be as quiet as possible. Tossing the dirty baby clothes in the pink hamper, she picked up the sweater to empty the pockets. She pulled her chapstick, Kleenex and a spare pacifier from the right pocket and laid the items on the bed.

Not remembering if she put anything in the left pocket, she double checked and scrunched her brows at the pills she held in her hand. Shelby thought about when she had put them in there and a light gasp escaped her lips as she thought of Rachel. Clenching her hand around the pills, she walked into Rachel's room without knocking on the door. Locking it behind her, she closed the door.

"What the hell?" Rachel said, shooting up from the mattress.

"Are there anymore?" Shelby sternly asked Rachel.

"Anymore what?" Rachel asked and Shelby held out her hand for Rachel to see. Her eyes widened then dropped to stare at the ground.

"Look at me." Shelby firmly said. "How many more do you have?"

"N-n-none." Rachel stammered and Shelby shook her head.

"We can do this the easy way or the hard way, which is it going to be?"

"I don't have anymore." Rachel said but was unable to look Shelby in the eyes.

"You're lying so now we get to do this the hard way." Shelby said, dropping the pills on the bed and pointed to the wall. "Sit down and don't move."

Rachel nervously sat on the floor with her back resting against the door and watched Shelby grab her bags from the closet. She went through each pocket, article of clothing and container that could hold pills. After finding nothing the bags were returned to the closet and Shelby knelt down in front of Rachel.

"Shelby, I-" Rachel started to speak but Shelby stopped her.

"I need you to tell me where the rest are hidden." Shelby said with a no nonsense yet caring voice. Her eyes begged for Rachel to tell her and Rachel bit her lip before pointing to the top of the window sill and Shelby got up to retrieve them. Shelby added them to the pile on the bed and knelt back in front of Rachel. "Where did the Xanax come from? When did you get those?"

"Yesterday a boy and I took them from the nurse." Rachel quietly told Shelby.

"How many did you take?"

"None." Rachel whispered, looking directly at her mom. "Honestly."

"Okay." Shelby nodded, believing her. "Are you feeling suicidal?"

"No." Rachel shook her head. "I mean, I though about taking a few to feel better."

"Feel better about what?"

"I can't tell you." Rachel shook her head.

"Why not? I might be able to help you." Shelby offered but Rachel shook her head again and ducked her head down to keep Shelby from seeing that she was crying. Shelby could hear the little sobs and pulled Rachel into her arms. Rachel was tense against Shelby's body but began to cry harder. "Baby please. Tell me what's wrong. I want to help you."

"You can't." Rachel cried.

"Let me be the judge of that." Shelby said, trying to keep her voice as calm as possible, even though she had tears in her eyes. "Come on Rach, tell me."

It took Rachel a few minutes to work up the courage but a little bit more coaxing from Shelby did the trick and she began to tell her about the two phone conversations with her dad. Shelby was infuriated and couldn't believe Hiram wasn't the least bit concerned about Rachel.

"What's wrong with me?" Rachel asked, still leaning into Shelby's chest. She played with her hands and sniffled a few times.

"There is nothing wrong with you. You have just been through a lot and this is just how your brain is handling things. It is in overload and once you begin to work through your problems, it will go away."

"How do you know?"

"I am going to make sure all of your hurt and pain comes to an end. I will do whatever it takes and you may hate me at times but in the end you'll be the 15 year old that I know is somewhere inside."

"You can't make promises like that."

"Yes, I can." Shelby told her and placed a finger under Rachel's chin, lifting her head to look her in the eyes. "I do love you Rachel, just as much as I love Beth."

"You're just saying that." Rachel said, sitting back on her bottom and wiping her eyes.

"I'm not. I mean it." Shelby said and tucked a chunk of hair behind Rachel's ear.

"Okay." Rachel nodded but that was all she could offer Shelby for the time being. She covered her mouth with her hand to block a yawn. "Sorry."

"Don't be." Shelby smiled. "How about you take a few minutes to chill out, then wash your face and come out to the livingroom to watch a movie or something with me?"

"Alright." Rachel agreed with no reluctance.

"I need to make a phone call so take your time." Shelby said, standing up and dusting off her jeans.

"Shelby?" Rachel called out before Shelby could completely leave the room with the collection of pills in her hand.

"Yeah?"

"I could kinda use a hug right now." Rachel meekly said, trying to ask for one without really asking.

Without another word, Shelby had Rachel off the floor and put her arms around her tightly. Rachel kept her arms at her side for a few seconds before putting them around Shelby's middle. When they pulled away Shelby placed a kiss on Rachel's head.

Shelby left Rachel to do her thing, while she flushed the meds down the toilet and went out to the porch to make her phone call. Leaving the sliding glass door open enough to hear what was going on inside the apartment, she put the phone to her ear.

"We need to talk."


	3. Chapter 3

"Talk? About what?" Hiram asked the clearly upset Shelby.

"What the hell would posses you to tell Rachel that your work is more important than being here with her?"

"I can't always be there for her."

"This isn't some speech she is giving at school or a dance recital, this is her life. She is dying inside and you aren't helping her at all." Shelby rose her voice but not enough for Rachel to hear. "Rachel doesn't know why you and Leroy can't love and care about her. She thinks there is something about her that makes people not love her."

"There is something wrong with her." Hiram said. "She's an attention seeker and I won't put up with it."

"Rachel is suffering from depression, she can't help it and needs treatment. She needs you to be here to help her through it all. I'm not the one she wants, you are."

"Are you going to keep her for the two extra weeks?" Hiram asked.

"No." Shelby shook her head. Rachel walked into the livingroom, so Shelby closed the glass door. "No. Either you get back to Lima by Sunday and take care of your daughter or I will take you to court for custody."

"Excuse me?" Hiram snorted.

"You heard me." Shelby sharply replied. "You need to come back home and step up and be the parent Rachel wants you to be."

"How many times do I need to say that I can't just drop everything and go."

From inside the house, Rachel noticed Shelby's phone call had become heated. Shelby had turned her back to Rachel as the girl sat on the couch. The glass muffled Shelby's voice and Rachel tried to not eavesdrop but she was interested in hearing what had Shelby riled up. Rachel heard her name along with her dad's name and went into Shelby's room and pushed open the window, just a little bit to hear the conversation. Only a few words were spoken, when Shelby interrupted Hiram and asked him to hold on for a second.

"Rachel, what are you doing?" Shelby asked, walking over to the first floor window.

"I, um, was just getting some fresh air." Rachel stumbled.

"Uh-huh and you chose my bedroom window and not yours, because?" Shelby cocked an eyebrow.

"You have a better view?" Rachel replied.

"Shut the window and go sit on the couch."

"But, I-"

"Move." Shelby ordered and Rachel sighed, shutting the window. She retreated back to the livingroom and sat on the recliner. Shelby stood in front of the sliding door, keeping an eye on Rachel. "Look Hiram, you need to really think about if your job is more important than Rachel."

"Right now, it is. I have a large business depending on me to make sure their finances are in order."

"Do you even love Rachel?"

"What kind of a question is that?" Hiram asked, offended by Shelby. "Of course I love her."

"If you really loved her, then you would be getting on the next flight without another word."

"I love Rachel but you're right, I don't care about her the way I should." Hiram said, after a 3-4 minute break. "If you want Rachel, you can have her. Clearly she is crying out for help and I can't give that to her."

"You're giving her to me, just like that?" Shelby said in a mix of shock. Shock that Rachel was going to be hers and shock that Hiram made a decision like that so easily.

"I don't have the time or patience for her anymore and you clearly are the more superior parent. Since you think you are miss perfect and can handle Rachel's attitude, be her parent." Hiram huffed. "I'll have my lawyer draw up the papers to be signed first thing in the morning."

"What about Rachel? How are you going to explain this to her?"

"That's your problem now." Hiram coldly replied. "She can come pick up her stuff after I return home. Until then, you both are to stay out of my house."

"What is the matter with you?" Shelby finally snapped. "What the hell did that girl ever do to you, that you can just toss her aside like a piece of trash?"

"I have nothing further to say." Hiram said. "If you n-"

"Go to hell." Shelby said and for the second time that day, Hiram was hung up on.

Shelby collected her thoughts before she walked back into the house. Rachel wasn't going to waste anytime hounding her with questions and Shelby was nervous about Rachel's mental and emotional state at the moment. She stepped into the house and sat down on the couch with Rachel staring intently on her, waiting for her mother to start talking about her phone conversation.

"How much longer do I have to stare at you before you will tell me what you were talking to my dad about?"

"We were discussing you."

"Yeah, obviously." Rachel rolled her eyes. "And obviously it went further than about if you can watch me for an extra two weeks."

"It did but I think we should talk about it later."

"Why? Because of earlier? Shelby, I was upset. I am allowed to have feelings you know and not every time I am upset or something, do I feel the need to kill myself." Rachel stated.

"Of course it is okay with you to have feelings but you thought about taking a few pills to feel better about your dad hurting you." Shelby pointed out.

"So my feelings are going to be hurt again?" Rachel asked. "By who? My dad or you? Is that why you don't want to talk? Because you said you couldn't take care of me? Is Beth still more important than me or do you feel like you haven't been able to bond with her because of me?"

"Rachel, no." Shelby said, getting up and walking over to the recliner. She knelt down before Rachel and tried to smooth her hair but Rachel wouldn't allow her to touch her. "If I had to take care of you for the rest of your life, I would."

"Then tell me what is going on. I know something isn't right and the longer you avoid telling me, the harder it's going to be." Rachel's eyes were begging for truth and honesty. "He doesn't want me anymore does he?"

"No, sweetheart, he doesn't." Shelby whispered. She became nervous when Rachel didn't say anything and got up to get the remote. Rachel's action caused Shelby to rise to her feet. Shelby watched as Rachel turned on the TV and flipped on Jersey Shore, which happened to be Shelby's most hated show. "Rach, do you want to talk about this?"

"Not really." Rachel said, staring at the TV but not really paying attention.

"It's gonna be okay though because I am going to take care of you and be there for you."

"For how long? Until you get tired of me too or when you just decide that I'm not what you wanted, again?"

"You're what I've always wanted." Shelby replied and Rachel scoffed.

"That's not what you said Saturday." Rachel rolled her eyes. "Now you are just taking me in because you feel bad for me."

"That's not it at all." Shelby said, stepping in front of the TV. "I want you here because you are my baby."

"Beth is your baby. I'm just some kid who lives with you because I have no parents."

"Rachel, stop." Shelby forcefully said and bent down to be eye level with Rachel. "You are not parentless. I know you have been let down by both of your fathers and myself but knowing what I know now and what you have dealt with, I am trying to make it up to you. I promised you that I would be there for you and I have been. I came to visit you everyday twice a day while you were in the hospital, I spoke to your doctors about how to help you with your recovery, I went to three classes that educates parents of children who have depression and another class about suicide prevention. If I didn't want to be in your life after these three weeks, why would I have even bothered to go?"

"You went to those classes the doctor suggested?" Rachel asked, in awe.

"Yeah, I did." Shelby nodded and walked into the kitchen to grab her purse. Pulling out a notebook, she handed it to Rachel. "I even took notes and wrote down different support groups and family therapists we could go to together."

"What is the Serenity Spa?" Rachel asked reading one of the notes on the side of a page.

"It's a mother-daughter retreat and spa center, for mothers and daughters to rebuild their relationships after going through rough patches. There are different activities and workshops you do during the two week stay."

"We're going?"

"There isn't an open slot until July but if you want to go we can. It will just be the two of us and we will be sharing a room." Shelby started explaining the terms. "I made a reservation but can cancel at anytime. Part of the fee needs to be paid by June 18th so I need to know by then."

"I'll think about it." Rachel answered but had no plans to think about it, she already had her answer but didn't want to sound desperate and say yes right away.

"Okay." Shelby nodded. "Now I know you don't want to talk about your dad giving you up but I am getting custody of you and that means you'll be here full time. I expect your room to be clean and bed made every morning. Homework needs to be done before you go out with friends or before you go to bed. Your dirty laundry should be placed in your hamper and not on the floor."

"Rules already?" Rachel sighed "Are they even neccisary? Can't you just dish them out as we go?"

"That is ineffective." Shelby shook her head. "It's best for you to know what I expect of you before you do something wrong not after and yes rules already. Regardless of your dad saying I could have you, I was going to lay down these rules anyway for your stay here."

"Fine but can we at least save the rest of the 'rules and consequences' talk for later?" Rachel asked.

"I suppose." Shelby agreed, she laid down the basic rules and that was good for now. She sat back down on the couch and cringed at the TV. "Okay, hon, can we find something else to watch? As much as I love reality TV, this show sucks."

"It does not! I love this show." Rachel pouted.

"Turn something else on."

"But I wanna watch it." Rachel whined, causing Shelby to chuckle. "What?"

"Nothing. You just sound like a normal teenager." Shelby smiled. She may be happy to see Rachel being normal right now but soon that happiness was going to wear off.

"So will you be a normal parent and negotiate with me?" Rachel asked.

"Alright, you get to watch the rest of this episode and then we change the channel."

"Deal." Rachel agreed but only for the duration of the current episode as she was beginning to come up with ways to persuade Shelby to letting her watch the rest of the marathon.

It turned out that she didn't need to be persuasive because in the last 20 minutes of the episode, Shelby began snoring on the couch. Standing up just a little bit, Rachel peeked at Shelby and noticed she was fully asleep. Turning down the volume, Rachel snuggled back into the recliner to enjoy her show and got two more episodes in when Beth started crying through the monitor that sat on the kitchen counter. Shelby didn't stir an inch and Rachel tried to wake her up.

"I'm coming." Shelby muttered and rolled on to her stomach. Rachel shook her head and grabbed the monitor on her way to the bedroom.

"Your mother is passed out on the couch so I have to take care of you." Rachel said, lifting the newborn from her crib. "If you spit up, pee or poop on me, I will never hold you again. Is that clear?"

Beth ignored her older sister and kept crying. Rachel could smell the odor coming from the baby and laid her on the changing table to put a clean diaper on her. As she undressed the baby, Rachel noticed the poop had seeped from the diaper and was up Beth's back. Rachel gagged and picked Beth back up, walking her to the bathroom. Trying to support her wobbling head and get the baby bathtub filled, Rachel did her best to keep the poop from getting on her.

"This is not cool, Beth." Rachel mumbled. She got the sleeper off Beth and draped it over the edge of the tub. Setting her in the water with her diaper still on, Rachel then took it off and tossed it into the trash. She expected Beth to cry and holler through the bath but the baby actually calmed down and let Rachel wash her up. "You know, I am trying to do something nice for you and Shelby and this is how you repay me?"

Once Beth was washed and de-pooped, Rachel wrapped her up in a towel and carried her back to the changing table. Settling on a white sleeper with gold stars, she got Beth dressed and sat down in the rocking chair to put her back to sleep but Beth wasn't having it. She wanted to stay up and hang out with her big sister. Rachel crept out to the kitchen and quietly made her a bottle, hoping that would induce another long nap from her.

"Come on Beth, you're a baby. All you do is eat, poop and sleep." Rachel huffed. "You've done the first two now do the last one."

Rachel tried everything humanly possible to get Beth to go back to sleep. She wasn't crying or anything but Rachel didn't want to deal with her anymore than she had too. Rachel laid Beth in the crib and began singing a medley of Broadway numbers in a lullaby tempo. Shifting from Wicked to Rent to A Chorus Line and back to Wicked, Rachel threw in some Les Mis and ended with Funny Girl. Beth had been a content and silent audience member up until Funny Girl started and she began to fuss. Rachel stopped singing and threw her hands to her hips.

"Seriously? Of all the songs I sang, Funny Girl is the one you decide you must cry too? Unbelievable, what is wrong with Streisand? You cannot be my sister if you don't like Barbra."

Shelby's eyes fluttered open and she blinked hard a couple times to erase the sleep from her eyes. Seeing Jersey Shore was still on the TV, she stretched and let out a light chuckle.

"Didn't you get lucky that I fell asleep?" Shelby said to Rachel and when the girl didn't answer, she looked over to the recliner and saw it was empty. "Rachel?"

She jumped from the couch and rushed to the back of the apartment. Rachel's bedroom was empty and she saw the light was on in the bathroom and the door was shut. Growing worried, she pushed open the door and sighed in relief seeing that it too was empty. Her brows did scrunch in confusion, when she saw the soiled sleeper and full baby bath. Going into her room, she smiled at the sight before.

The bedroom looked as if Babies R Us had thrown up. Blankets, bottles, a formula container, toys, clothes and other baby items were scattered around the room. It had been neat and tidy when she had gone to sleep but now was a mess. But that wasn't what was making Shelby smile. Shelby was smiling at her two girls, passed out on the queen sized bed.

Rachel was on her back, with her head resting against the pile of fluffy pillows and Beth was on her belly, laying on Rachel's chest. Rachel had two protective arms around the baby. Shelby stared at the two for what seemed like hours, before she carefully removed Beth from Rachel. Beth was placed in her own bed and Rachel was covered with a blanket.

With Rachel being asleep, Shelby placed a kiss on her cheek. and relished the feeling it gave her to be able to do so. As she pulled away, Rachel grabbed her arm.

"Daddy please stay." Rachel whimpered in her sleep.

"Shhh. It's okay, honey." Shelby soothed and tried to release her arm from Rachel's grip but Rachel squeezed tighter.

"Daddy no, I need you here."

Shelby wasn't sure what to do but the tears rolling down Rachel's cheeks, broke Shelby's heart. Shelby tried to sit on the bed but there was no room and Rachel had a hold on her right arm, making it an uncomfortable position for Shelby to sit in. Stepping on the bed, Shelby stepped over Rachel and laid beside her. Her arm laid comfortably over Rachel and she whispered calming words to the girl.

Rachel settled back down into a blissful sleep and even let go of Shelby so she could roll over and snuggle into her mom. Shelby tensed up and pushed away from Rachel to be a few inches apart but Rachel closed the distance again. Rachel wrapped her fingers in Shelby's shirt and Shelby tried to get up but Rachel held her from doing so.

"Rachel, let go." Shelby coaxed her. Rachel refused to let go and Shelby gave in and let Rachel cuddle back into her. Shelby eventually relaxed enough to fall back asleep before Beth needed to be fed or changed again.

The blanket slipped from Rachel's body and she shivered at the cool air hitting her skin. Reaching for the blanket, she realized someone had their arms around her. Peeping out of one eye, she saw the fabric of Shelby's shirt and quickly slipped from the bed. Pacing her own bedroom, she tried to recall how Shelby came to be holding her in her sleep. It couldn't have been a nightmare because she remembered dreaming about singing a duet with Barbra Streisand. Maybe Shelby had come in to lay down to sleep better than she would have on the couch and it was Rachel who had moved against Shelby?

"How could I do that?" Rachel whispered to herself. Never mind the fact that she was asleep and couldn't help it.

Rachel avoided talking about waking up in Shelby's arms and Shelby figured Rachel just didn't want to talk about having a nightmare about her dad. Neither one had any idea as to the exact events that lead Rachel to clinging to Shelby and was something that was going to remain unsolved.

Thursday passed without any major incidents. Rachel stayed holed up in her bedroom, with guilt for letting herself be that close to Shelby and anger at Shelby for allowing Rachel to do so. Shelby wasn't sure what was going on with Rachel but the girl had promised her mom that everything was okay and that she was just worried about what people were going to say at school the next day.

Friday morning, Shelby watched Rachel move about the kitchen in her rush to get to school. Her bag was packed, her lunch money was in her pocket and Shelby had lent Rachel some work out clothes for Glee. Rachel was picking a few pieces of assorted fruit from the bowl when Shelby walked her to the front door.

"Are you sure you don't want a ride?" Shelby asked for the 19th time.

"Yes, I didn't get to go for my morning run so this will kinda make up for it." Rachel nodded.

"Okay but I want to take you to school after today." Shelby said.

"Really? You don't need too."

"But I want too."

"We'll see." Rachel rolled her eyes and stepped outside.

"Call me when Glee is over and I will come get you." Shelby shouted and Rachel turned around from the sidewalk.

"I can walk home too." Rachel stated.

"But you won't." Shelby glared. "I'm serious Rachel, call me."

"Okay, okay." She sighed and continued her walk.

"Have fun at school!" Shelby yelled and Rachel waved her off in embarrassment.

Like a protective mother bear, Shelby watched Rachel walk until she was no longer visible and was around the corner. Shutting the door, she pulled the stack of custody papers from the top of the refrigerator and began reading them. Rachel had yet to see them and Shelby wanted to keep it that way until they could talk more about it.

While Shelby was knee deep in legal papers, Rachel walked into McKinley and ducked her head at the stares. She bit her bottom lip and started to wonder if coming to school was a good idea. Shelby had suggested she stay home for a few more days but stubborn Rachel wasn't having it. She wanted to go and was going to do anything in her power to get her way. After a half hour of arguing, Shelby reluctantly agreed.

Finn, seeing Rachel from down the hall, ran up to her and took her hand. "Don't mind them."

"I didn't expect EVERYONE to be staring." Rachel said, glancing up at Finn.

"They have nothing better to do and it won't last forever. By Monday, your return will be old news."

"I hope so." Rachel replied. After going to her locker, Finn walked her to her first hour class. "Thanks for doing this."

"No, problem. I'll walk you to all of your classes today." Finn said. "And if I can't, I'll get one of the other glee kids too."

"Oh, no. You don't need to do any of that." Rachel shook her head.

"I want you to be safe and not get teased about anything. We all want to help out, Rachel." Finn smiled, tucking a chunk of hair behind her ears.

"Thanks." Rachel grinned.

The whole Glee club did help out in making sure Rachel got to her classes without any trouble. One kid made a comment about Rachel's attempted suicide but Santana shut him down with threats of turning him into a female. It was a surprise to Rachel that they even cared. However, Rachel knew it was only a matter of time before her return wasn't important anymore and everyone would go back to hating her.

"Rachel we are so glad to have you back." Mr Shue welcomed her as he started glee up. "Now, I know we didn't win Regionals and with Figgins extending us for another year, we are going to have to work harder to prove that we deserve the extension. We are going to Nationals next year and we are going to wipe the floor with our competition."

"True dat!" Artie hollered out.

Rachel raised her hand and in an unRachel way, she waited for her name to be called.

"Rachel, I know you probably have a million ideas for Sectionals but we have all summer and fall to work on a set list." Will chuckled at his most motivated student.

"Actually, I was just asking if I could use the restroom."

"Oh sure and you know you don't need to ask."

"Sorry, I forgot." Rachel shrugged and walked out of the room.

Rachel hardly muttered two words the rest of the time and this did not go unnoticed by anyone in the group. When they were dismissed for the day, Rachel ran out of the room before Will could stop her. She sat outside and pulled out her phone to call Shelby as promised but seeing Kurt getting into his car, she changed her mind.

"Hey Kurt!" Rachel yelled as she ran to Kurt.

"What's up Diva?" Kurt asked, halting his move to shut the door.

"Could you give me a ride?" Rachel asked and Kurt nodded.

"Hop in."

"Thanks." Rachel said, once she was in the car.

"So what was with you today? Normally you never shut up during glee."

"I just have a lot on my mind." Rachel said, not willing to go further than that. Kurt turned to go towards Shelby's house when Rachel stopped him. "No, not that way."

"But Shelby's house is that way."

"I don't want to go back to Shelby's just yet." Rachel said and pointed to the direction of her father's house. Kurt pulled into the driveway and turned to Rachel.

"Are you sure about this? I mean Shelby isn't gonna kill me because I drove you over here, is she?"

"No. I'm the one she'd kill." Rachel said getting out and internally chuckled at the pleasure the sound of being killed gave her. "Anyway, thanks for the ride and I'll see you Monday."

"Bye." Kurt said and he watched Rachel slip into the house.

As he drove home, he wondered if leaving Rachel there by herself was a good idea. She didn't seem to be showing signs of being in distress and aside from being strangely quiet in Glee, she seemed happy. Kurt was sure Shelby wasn't aware of what Rachel was going and thought she should know where Rachel was, in case she got worried. Pulling out his phone, Kurt called Shelby's house phone.

"Hello?" Shelby answered as she tossed yet another load of laundry into the washer.

"Miss Corcoran? It's Kurt Hummel."

"Hi, Kurt. What can I do for you?" Shelby asked, wondering why he was calling the house for Rachel.

"I was calling to let you know that Rachel asked me for a ride home. I-"

"Oh that was sweet of you, thank you for letting me know. Are you guys on your way?" Shelby asked, not Kurt wasn't done talking.

"Not exactly."

"What? Where are you?"

"I just left the Berry house. Rachel asked me to take her there. She didn't want me to stay so I left but I thought you should know."

"She what?" Shelby flustered.

"I said it wasn't a good idea but she insisted." Kurt said, "I'm really sorry. I should have said no."

"It's okay, Kurt. I will go get her." Shelby said and hung up with Kurt a few seconds later. Dialing Rachel's cell phone number. Rachel answered a few rings later. "Your butt better be on the porch steps when I get there and if you do anything stupid you will regret it. Do you understand?"

"Yes ma'am." Rachel meekly replied, knowing she was in trouble but she wasn't sure why.

"Good."


	4. Chapter 4

Shelby got someone to watch Beth for her so she could go get Rachel. As she pulled into the driveway, she wasn't surprised to see the front steps empty. That would have been entirely too easy on the new mom. She walked through the front door and heard music playing from the upstairs. As she walked into Rachel's room, she saw the girl laying on her bed and the familiar sound of I Dreamed a Dream was on repeat. To her left, she noticed the star cup was sitting on the night stand half full with cool water. Shelby knew enough about Rachel to know she was sad.

Rachel's back was to Shelby and the older woman, crawled onto the bed and pulled Rachel against her. Feeling her mom's arms around her, Rachel finally let out the tears she was desperately trying to keep in. Rachel wrapped her small child sized fingers in Shelby's jacket sleeve and buried her face into the bed. Never in her life had Rachel ever cried as hard as this. Shelby was sure the sobs could be heard a mile away. Using a free hand, Shelby alternated between stroking her hair and rubbing her arm.

"It's gonna be okay." Shelby whispered over and over again for at least 45 minutes, until Rachel had no tears left.

"It's. Never. Gonna be. Okay." Rachel hiccuped and wiped her nose on Shelby's sleeve.

The mom would have cringed but after being baby puked on, it didn't bother Shelby at all. Rachel began to cry again, much to Shelby's dismay. How could Rachel have more tears? Shelby sat up and pulled Rachel with her so her head was in Shelby's lap. Looking down at the distressed Rachel, Shelby's heart shattered into a thousand pieces and her own tears began to form.

"It will."

"How? They don't want me. They're suppose to always be there and now-" Rachel couldn't finish her sentence as she broke down in to tears again. Rachel shifted just enough to wrap her arms around Shelby's middle and held on like nobody's business. Having Rachel clinging to her for comfort was what did Shelby in and she let herself cry too.

"It will be because I will be there, always." Shelby cried. Hearing the heavy emotion in Shelby's voice, Rachel's sobs were reduced to gut wrenching whimpers and she looked up at Shelby's face to see that she was crying too. Shelby smoothed back Rachel's hair and stared down at her. "I wish I could make you believe that but I know it is my fault."

"Why did you walk away?" Rachel asked 10 minutes later, after she was calmed down. As she waited for Shelby's answer, Rachel glanced down and began to play with the bracelet on Shelby's wrist.

"I was scared." Shelby admitted.

"Of what?"

"Scared that you couldn't love me the way you seemed to love your dads. You told me the story about how your dad would bring you water when you were sad and that was such a special moment that you two shared together, I was afraid we could never have that. I'm still scared that you can't love me or that I ruined you so much that you don't even want to try."

"You were scared?"

"Mmhhm." Shelby nodded.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course." Shelby smiled, although inside she was fearful of what the question was going to be.

"If you knew about my situation when we met, would you have stuck around?"

"Rach, I don't want you to think that you are only coming to live with me because you are going through this. I always wished you could come live with me but to answer your question, I would have done everything I could to get custody of you." Shelby said. "Now it's time for me to ask you a question. Why did you come here?"

"I was looking for answers to why I wasn't good enough and trying to remember a time where I was happy here." Rachel said, gazing around the parts of her room she could see. "But I haven't figured either one out."

"I'm sure you have a lot of good memories but right now they are clouded by your depression. As your meds start to work, you will remember all the good times. As for you not being good enough, I don't believe for a minute that it was your fault as to why your dads changed or stopped caring."

"Yeah." Was all Rachel could say as she continued to play with Shelby's bracelet.

"Now lets talk about you coming over here without letting me know." Shelby said as she sat Rachel up. "You can't do that ever again. I need to know where you are at all times, for my peace of mind and your safety. Getting Kurt to drive you over here without permission was wrong."

"I'm in trouble for coming to my house?" Rachel asked with a saddened but innocent voice and Shelby was sure Rachel's pupils expanded three times their size.

"No, you are in trouble for not telling me." Shelby corrected and tried to not smile at Rachel's tactics.

"What's my punishment?"

"You are to do your homework and then help me with dinner."

"That's my punishment?"

"Yup, you have to be my Sous Chef." Shelby said.

"How is that punishing me?" Rachel asked as the two stood up.

"It's forcing you to spend more time with me than you probably want too." Shelby said as she buttoned her coat and watched Rachel grab the cassette tape. Shelby picked Rachel's red coat from the floor and held it out for Rachel to slip her arms through. "Do I need to check your pockets, body or bag for pills? Or can I trust that you aren't sneaking any home?"

"What do you think you should do?"

Shelby studied Rachel for moment before taking Rachel's hand and grabbing the star cup from the nightstand. She walked Rachel down to the kitchen where she quickly washed the glass and dried it, then gave it to Rachel. The two walked out of the house and Rachel locked the door.

"So I was thinking spaghetti or baked potatoes with sauteed veggies for dinner." Shelby said, getting into the car.

"What about both?" Rachel asked, buckling her seat belt. Shelby looked at her kid with widened eyes.

"I like your thinking." Shelby finally said with a huge smile as she backed out of the driveway.

Rachel and Shelby drove in peace on the way home, each having found a new light. Rachel, seeing one of the major reasons for Shelby walking away and Shelby, feeling like for just once Rachel needed her. Rachel got out of the car once Shelby turned off the ignition. Shelby walked around the car and handed Rachel the key ring with the apartment key between her fingers.

"Does this mean you trust me that I don't have pills?" Rachel asked, taking the keys.

"Yeah, it does." Shelby said. "I will be home in just a few minutes. I would like you to be at the kitchen counter, doing your work."

"Okay." Rachel nodded and watched Shelby walk across the parking lot.

She turned and ran up to the apartment and unlocked the door. Dropping the bags and keys off in the kitchen, she ran to the bathroom. Shutting the door, she dug in her pockets and pulled out the pills that had been stuffed in there upon her arrival to her dad's. Tossing them into the toilet, Rachel flushed them without even a hesitation. Hearing that Shelby trusted her and seeing Shelby crying were burned into her head and she didn't want to let Shelby down. As Rachel came out of the bathroom, she heard the door being opened and she ran to the counter trying to get her things out as quickly as she could.

"Rach? What are you doing?" Shelby raised a brow, seeing how fast Rachel was moving.

"I had to use the bathroom but you said I needed to be doing my work before you got back." Rachel flustered.

"Slow down." Shelby chuckled. "It's not a big deal that you had to go to the bathroom. I really just meant it as I didn't want you to be watching TV or on the computer before your homework is finished."

"Oh." Rachel blushed, slowing down to pull out her math book.

"Alright, I am going to change her and put her down for a nap. I will be right back."

"Shelby?" Rachel turned in her seat to glance at Shelby, who had stopped in her tracks to look at Rachel. "Thank you for trusting me, it's nice to know that you care but aren't hoovering too much."

"Well I can't be with you every second of the day and you need to learn to how make the right choices. Taking pills isn't the way to solve your problems. It is a temporary and extremely dangerous solution and I want you to realize that I can be the once you go to, to talk about what is bothering you." Shelby said as she walked back over to Rachel. She placed a kiss on Rachel's forehead and pulled back to see Rachel's reaction. When she was met by a genuine smile, she gave her another one before heading to her bedroom to take care of Beth.

Rachel tried to work on her math but she was too distracted to even get through one problem. Tossing the book back in the bag, she grabbed her notebook to work on her English paper. She tapped her pen against the notebook and tried to focus on brainstorming ideas for her demonstration speech yet she couldn't stop thinking about how Shelby made her feel loved. They had a lot to work through and talk about but for time being, she felt a little content and even a bit stable. Perhaps having a consistent adult in her life was a big factor?

Rachel gave up on doing her homework all together and decided she would do it through out the day tomorrow before each of her classes. She wasn't sure if Shelby would be okay with her watching TV yet so she just sat at the counter and waited for Shelby to get done.

Her mind of course wandered back to her dads. There wasn't much to say about either one as she honestly didn't see much of them. Business trips, meetings and late nights at the office were of the norm in the Berry household. It wasn't unusual for Rachel to not see her dads for weeks at a time. In fact there was one occasion where she didn't physically see Hiram or Leroy for a month and only communicated through scribbled notes left on the counter or short 30 second phone calls. That happened when she was 13, which was around the time that Rachel began to notice her sudden mood changes and the days were Rachel didn't want to get out of bed, were happening more frequent.

Shelby gently closed her bedroom door to keep from disturbing Beth and quietly walked back into the kitchen. She stepped up to Rachel and found the girl with her head laying on her folded arms. For a moment, Shelby thought Rachel was sleeping but a sigh let her know that she was wrong.

"Is your homework done?" Shelby asked. She had been gone for over a half hour so it was entirely possible that it was.

"Yeah." Rachel said, sitting up enough to rest her chin on her arms.

"What do you like to do?" Shelby asked, sitting across from her.

"What do you mean?"

"For fun. What do you enjoy doing?"

"Running, singing, dancing, sometimes reading." Rachel listed.

"Okay but what about hanging out with friends? All those things are stuff you do by yourself."

"You have to have friends in order to hang out with them." Rachel replied.

"I thought Finn and Kurt were your friends?"

"Finn and I are complicated. One day we are friends and the next he is drooling all over Quinn. Kurt's not any different but instead of drooling over Quinn, he's either ogling Finn or some other boy. He sees me as too much of a threat to want to be real friends with me."

"Well Peanut, I think you should look into joining a summer camp or something." Shelby suggested and Rachel's heart melted at the nickname Shelby had just given her. "It's a great way to meet friends and find people who have common interests."

"Are you trying to get rid of me?"

"No! no, of course not. I just want you to enjoy your summer and not hole yourself up for 3 months. You don't have to go to a sleep away camp, there are several day camps that you go to or you don't have to go at all. I am only making a suggestion. The choice is all yours."

"Can we just make dinner?" Rachel asked, standing up.

"Sure." Shelby nodded, deciding it was a good idea and was a good way to move past the talk about summer as it seemed to have rubbed Rachel the wrong way. Before Shelby got out the ingredients for dinner, she cleared off the counter and placed Rachel's cup in the cabinet. "Alright Rachel, lets get the potatoes going."

Together the girls created an assembly line. Rachel would lay out the tin foil and sprinkle seasoning on them, then would slide it to Shelby so she could wrap them up and stab them a few times with a fork. There wasn't much of a conversation that was held during the making of the potatoes but once the rest of dinner was being put together, Rachel struck up the small talk.

"I have to do a speech for English class."

"Oh? On what?" Shelby asked, glancing over her shoulder, where Rachel was chopping some peppers.

"Well it's a demonstration speech, so I have to teach the class how to do something but I am not sure what to do." Rachel said. "Someone is going to teach us how to make lip gloss while another kid is going to show us how to build a skateboard."

"Are you into crafting?" Shelby asked as the ideas started coming to her.

"Not really no." Rachel shook her head.

"What about demonstrating some vocal warm ups?"

"I can do that." Rachel thought out loud. "I know lots of scales and techniques."

"There you go. I would have though for sure you would have thought about that."

"Yeah." Rachel said, not willing to confide in her that she had been distracted.

While finishing up dinner, Rachel and Shelby swapped warm up techniques and Rachel decided on the 5 she wanted to demonstrate. As they sat down to eat, Shelby remembered she had forgotten about the surprise she had for Rachel. Going into the livingroom, Shelby pulled a notebook off the bookshelf and carried it back to the kitchen and laid it in front of Rachel.

"That Charlotte lady from the hospital said you two talked about getting you a journal to write in and I found this one at Target today. I got some gold star stickers to Rachelfy it and on the inside cover, I added something you might like." Shelby said as Rachel ran her fingers over the black composition book.

Shelby had not only added gold stars to the cover but she had also got some letters to spell out 'Rachel's Journal' on the front. When Shelby mentioned putting something on the inside cover, she flipped it open and stared at the picture that was taped down.

It was of Shelby when she was 8 1/2 months pregnant with Rachel and the glowing young woman had her hands cradling her huge bump. Rachel's smiled that of the one Shelby wore in the picture as she stared down at her belly.

"I love it." Rachel smiled and looked up at Shelby. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." Shelby smiled back. After dinner, Rachel offered to help clean up but Shelby brushed her off and told her to go relax. Rachel thanked Shelby again and went to her bedroom to start writing her first journal entry. 9:30 came around and Shelby knocked on the door.

"Come in." Rachel said, closing the notebook.

"You need to start getting ready for bed."

"I was hoping to go for my normal run in the morning, is that okay?"

"Sure but make sure you are back in time so you can shower before you need to leave for school."

"I will." Rachel agreed and sat up on her knees when Shelby moved around to sit on the edge of the bed. "What's going on?"

"Tomorrow, I have to take these papers to your dad's attorney." Shelby said, holding the pages up for Rachel to see.

"Are those the custody papers?"

"Yup, they are all filled out and ready to go. I can't sign them until I am in the lawyers office but I just want to make sure that this is what you really want. If not, we can find you somewhere else to live after your time here is up. I want you to stay but not if it's something you don't want."

"I wanna be here with you and to make this work." Rachel told her mom. "You're trying to be the perfect mother to me. I may hate you for the past but I can't hate you for trying."

"That really means a lot to me Rachel."


	5. Chapter 5

The next morning, Rachel got up a half hour earlier than usual and changed into some shorts and a tank top. Tying her tennis shoes, she slipped out of the house and began the first three miles of her run. There wasn't too much on Rachel's mind today, which was new for her. Usually she had so many things swimming in her head. Arriving to the park, Rachel decided to sit on swings which was something Rachel didn't do. She rarely ever took a break in her run but today, she wasn't quite herself either. Of course, who was the real Rachel?

Using her feet to rock the swing, Rachel laid her head against the cold chain. Closing her eyes, she basked in the moment of loneliness. Right now she didn't need to be anything special for anyone. She wasn't the star of New Directions. She wasn't the daughter of Hiram and Leroy Berry. She wasn't trying to make sense of her relationship with Shelby. She wasn't face to face with the baby that was adopted in order to replace her. At this very second, Rachel was just Rachel.

Rachel opened her eyes a few minutes later, to find that it hadn't been just 10 minutes but she had fallen asleep. She was suppose to have been home over 30 minutes ago and was going to be late for school if she didn't get home quick. The trip back was more rushed and Rachel picked up a faster pace than normal. She was panting and out of breath by the time she walked into the apartment.

"Hey, I made you some vegan pancakes." Shelby greeted her early riser as she placed a plate on the counter for Rachel.

"Can't. Eat. Gotta. Shower. Or. Late. To. School." Rachel gasped out, holding her hips and leaning forward slightly.

"It's only 7:15, you have plenty of time to shower and eat before you go to school." Shelby said walking over to Rachel and guiding her to the stool. "Sit down and catch your breath."

"Thanks." Rachel said after getting back to a normal breathing patteren and started gorging on the fluffy pancakes. Upon inhaling her breakfast, she shot out of her seat and ran into the shower, leaving Shelby to wonder what the rush was to get to school.

"Aren't teenagers suppose to take their time getting to school? Your sister is a tad bit weird if you ask me." Shelby chuckled as she lifted Beth from the playard to get her secured into her car seat. The two waited in the kitchen for Rachel to emerge from the back room before Shelby picked up the carrier and her keys. Rachel came out with her bag, ready to go to school. "Got everything?"

"Yeah." Rachel nodded and grabbed the notebook Shelby made for her and moved to the door. "I'll see you after glee."

"Wait." Shelby said, taking Rachel's arm in her hand. "I'm driving you to school, remember?"

"Right but you don't need too. I am use to walking to school, my dads were usually too busy to take me." Rachel shrugged and tried to leave again.

"I'm not too busy and I want to take you." Shelby said and slowly walked Rachel out of the house and locked the apartment door.

"Why?" Rachel asked as she got into the car while Shelby was getting Beth into the back seat.

"Must I have a reason for everything?" Shelby asked, looking at Rachel and the girl wasn't sure how to answer. Shelby noticed during the car ride that Rachel was deep in thought so she didn't push any sort of conversation. Pulling up to the high school, Shelby hesitated to unlock the doors. "I want to do this for you to show you that you don't have to do anything alone. There will be someone there when you wake up, when you come home from school and when you go to bed. I know you have had to do a lot of things on your own but it doesn't have to be that way anymore."

"Okay." Rachel nodded and smiled at Shelby. It warmed her heart to hear Shelby say that to her. More than anything in the world, that's all Rachel wanted to know was that Shelby was there for her. She got out of the car and grabbed her bag. "I'll call you after rehearsals."

"You better." Shelby raised a playful yet serious brow. Rachel wasn't sure how Shelby accomplished that but it was working.

Rachel closed the car door and Shelby waited until her daughter was all the way in the building before she pulled out of the lot. Rachel walked into school feeling a little more confident than she did yesterday. She knew people were still staring at her and whispering comments but she didn't care. Opening her locker, she placed her bag on the hook and grabbed her binder of notebooks and two text books for her first three classes. After a second thought, she grabbed her journal and tucked it in between the rest of her items.

Closing her locker, she headed off to first hour. While she waited for the bell to ring, Rachel hurried and scribbled down the answers to her math problems. She knew most of the answers were wrong but she figured one failed homework assignment wasn't the end of the world and could do some extra credit work to make up for it.

Second period followed 90 minutes later and after Psychology, Rachel had to go to her locker to change out her books. Kurt came up to her, gripping the strap of his messenger bag nervously.

"Hey." He softly said. "About yesterday-"

"No, don't apologize." Rachel interrupted. "Shelby would have freaked out had you not called her and I would probably be grounded out of my skull."

"She wasn't mad?"

"She probably was at first but I don't know." Rachel said and shut her locker to go to English.

"So I was thinking that if you didn't have anything going on for lunch, you might want to join me in the choir room." Kurt said, following her as his class was just next door.

"Why?"

"I got a peek at Mr. Shue's idea book for Glee and saw that he was planning for us to do duets this week. You and I make a great team."

"You sure you wanna work with me?" Rachel asked.

"Yeah, see the lesson this week is about change because we have all changed." Kurt said as they walked up the stairs. "The two of us have had the most changes of anyone. You with your depression and moving in with the mother who abandoned you and I came out of the closet."

"Quinn had a baby and gave it up at 16, why didn't you pick her?"

"Because she went back to being a bitch." Kurt said. "Our changes have altered who we were back in August."

"What song did you have in mind?"

"I don't know, that's why I thought we'd get a head start now. That way come rehearsals, we would be ahead of everyone."

"Alright, I'll meet you in the choir room at lunch." Rachel agreed.

English class was spent working on their speeches and Rachel was never as happy to get out there as she was today. Kurt never willingly worked with her and she was feeling good about being picked first for his partner. She went down to the cafeteria to get a salad, then hurried back upstairs to meet Kurt.

"I have found the perfect song." Kurt gushed as Rachel walked in.

"_For Good_ from the hit Broadway sensation _Wicked_?" Rachel wondered as that was the song she had in her head.

"No but that is a good one." Kurt said and opened up the manilla folder that held the sheet music. "What do you think?"

"_Don't look back in anger_ by_ Oasis_?" Rachel said, reading the title.

"It's amazing. I mean I was harassed and bullied about coming out and I shouldn't look back on my choice to do so with anger. Karofsky may be tormenting me now but that doesn't mean I have to change anything about me. I am who I am."

"And Obviously this song can reflect on my previous encounters with Shelby as well as the lack of attention given to me by my fathers." Rachel thought out loud. "You know what Kurt? This song is perfect."

"Great, let's work out our performance." Kurt said going to the piano. The two ate their lunch and talked about the different ideas they had for creating a stellar number that would blow everyone away. When lunch ended, the budding friends, headed down to the lunchroom to return their trays.

"So I know you are coming over tomorrow night with Finn and Mike for Pizza but would you want to come over tonight after glee to hang out?" Rachel asked. "I have some homework that I missed when I was in the hospital and could use some help. Plus I'm sure my m- Shelby could give us some tips for our duet."

"Sure. I'll just have to ask my dad but I am sure he won't mind."

"Okay, I have to talk to Shelby too and will let you know what she says." Rachel smiled, excited to be making a friend.

As they were clearing the garbage from the red trays, David Karofsky walked over to the duo and tossed a blue slushy directly at Kurt.

"Hey gay boy it matches your eyes." The large idiot chuckled.

"You're such a buffoon." Rachel growled and began to help Kurt clean off his new Marc Jacobs blazer.

"Did you just call me a monkey?" David asked, stepping closer to Rachel.

"I said buffoon not baboon." Rachel corrected him. "You think you're big and bad because you can throw an ice cold beverage on someone? Well you're not, picking on someone weaker than you just makes you look pathetic."

"You're gonna regret saying that."

"The only thing I will ever regret when it comes to you is deciding to not punch you in the face." Rachel said as she pulled Kurt towards the girl's bathroom. She slammed the door shut and began to wet some paper towel.

"Whoa Rachel, where did that come from?" Kurt asked, taking one of the damp towels and wiping off his face.

"He just makes me so mad. Who is he to make other people feel like shit? I'm tired of people walking all over me, calling me names and pretending like their actions don't bother me. I have feelings and am human like everyone else." Rachel said, becoming angrier.

"Calm down, this isn't the first or last time that I will get a slushy to the face." Kurt laughed to make Rachel feel better. The warning bell rang and Kurt sighed. "You can go ahead, I'm almost done here."

"No it's fine." Rachel grumbled, still fuming from David's actions.

"Rachel, really. I don't want you to be late to class." Kurt assured her. "Go ahead."

"Okay." Rachel finally agreed and gathered her things to leave. She was heading up the stairs to the main floor of the school, when David and four of his friends stood at the top of the stairs. "Leave me alone."

"Or what?" David said, as Rachel walked up to the boys to go to the door but none of them moved out of her way.

"Move." Rachel glared and when they didn't budge, she turned around to go to the other set of stairs but three more jocks had appeared. She was now cornered on the flight of stairs.

"Rumor has it that you tried to kill yourself after your gay club competition." David said, walking down to stand on the stair above Rachel. "I always thought you were a freak but not a psycho."

"I'm not a freak and I am not psycho." Rachel crossed her arms.

"So you say." David shrugged and he got closer to Rachel's face. "But beneath all of that I bet you are just looking for someone to give you some attention."

"Get away from me." Rachel said and moved down another step but David smacked the books from her hand and they slid down to the feet of the boys at the bottom of the landing. Pushing her against the wall, Rachel felt his hot breath on her neck.

"I can give you some attention, if you give me what I want." He said, running his hand up her bare leg and under her pleated skirt, to her hip.

"Stop." Rachel whispered as his hand played with the waistband of her panties. The door at the bottom of the stairwell cracked open and David dropped his hand from Rachel's thigh. As the 6 other jocks scattered, David took a second before he hurried off.

"Tell anyone about this and you won't have to worry about killing yourself because I will do it for you."

As he walked away, Rachel slid down the wall until she was sitting on the stairs. Kurt came up the steps a few minutes later with most of the slushy out of his blazer.

"Rachel? What are you doing?" Kurt asked, seeing his friend. Rachel didn't say anything but sat there in shock."Did Karofsky say something to you? I saw him and a couple of the football players coming from the stairs."

"He um. He. He." Rachel stammered, still trying to sort out what happened in her head.

"Come on, lets go talk somewhere more private." Kurt said, assuming the bully had made a comment about her suicide attempt. After getting her books from the ground, he dragged her back to the choir room and locked the door so no one could come in. Rachel immediately blurted out the events that had taken place after leaving the bathroom. "Oh my God, Rachel! We have to tell Figgins about this."

"No. You heard what I said. David told me not to tell anyone."

"He can't get away with this."

"Kurt, he was just trying to scare me." Rachel tried to irrationally rationalize David's motivations.

"Rachel, this is not okay. Figgins needs to know. Do you really feel like you can go the next couple weeks, with him roaming the halls?"

"No but Figgins is going to call Shelby."

"And?" Kurt stared at her. "You just got done saying Shelby keeps telling you that she wants to be there for you but you're afraid that she is doing it out of pity."

"Yeah, I know what I said." Rachel gently snapped as she rubbed her face.

"Then tell her what happened. David touching you in that way had nothing to do with pills, suicide or any of that. He did it because you stood up to him for me and now you can use this as a way for you to know if Shelby means what she says."

"Fine." Rachel said and dropped her hands form her face. "But I want to be the one to tell Shelby."

"If that's what you want." Kurt said and walked Rachel over to a row of chairs and they sat down so Rachel could call Shelby. Before Rachel hit send, she glanced up at Kurt. "Do you want me to leave?"

"Maybe you could wait outside?"

"Sure." Kurt said and when he was out of the room, she placed her phone call.

"Hey Rach." Shelby grinned into the phone.

"Hi." Rachel said, just above a whisper. "Can you come to school?"

"Is everything alright?"

"No, not really." Rachel shook her head and explained what happened. She got to the part of David touching her but chickened out, deciding to tell her later on. She was worried about Shelby being upset while driving with Beth in the backseat. Shelby already seemed irritated and she didn't want to make things worse, at least not yet.

"This David kid cornered you?" Shelby gasped. "What did he say?"

"We can talk about it later."

"Okay, well I will be there shortly. Wait for me in the office with Kurt. I'm sure Mr. Figgins is going to want to hear his side of things as well."

Rachel hung up the phone and walked out to tell Kurt that Shelby wants him to go with her. She was surprised to find nearly the whole glee club standing outside the door with Kurt.

"Rachel, are you alright?" Finn asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine but what are you all doing here?" Rachel asked, looking around at everyone.

"Kurt told us what happened, we want to make sure that jackass gets expelled." Quinn said.

"We're gonna wait with you in the office." Santana said, taking Rachel's hand which surprised the entire group of kids.

"Why are you of all people being nice to me?" Rachel questioned the Latina's motives as the they walked down to the office.

"You know I'm not a complete bitch, I do have a heart." Santana rolled her eyes.

"Yes somewhere underneath all those insults, the Grinch does have kindness in her." Puck joked and Santana smacked his abs with her hand. "Easy, we don't want to bruise the goods."

"Oh God. Get over yourself." Mercedes laughed.

Rachel couldn't help but crack a smile, this was one of the first times where she was being included in the friendly banter and not being the butt end of crude jokes. The jokes continued into the office but they came to an end at the insistence of the the Secretary. The 8 people fell into an odd silence and stood around waiting for Shelby.

"What is everyone doing here?" Shelby asked walking in nearly 15 minutes later. She spotted Quinn right next to Rachel and she became nervous.

"We wanted to make sure Rachel wasn't alone." Quinn answered, equally nervous and staring at the blanket covered car seat in Shelby's hand.

"I suggest everyone but Rachel and Kurt get back to class before you get in trouble." Shelby said and the group dispersed. Quinn and Puck stayed behind, whispering to one another. Shelby took a step towards Beth's biological parents. "Do you guys want to hold her?"

"No." Quinn shook her head and left the office, with one last look at the carrier.

"I'd like to hold her." Puck said. Shelby nodded and placed the car seat on the floor. Unbuckling Beth, she lifted Beth out and placed the baby in Puck's arms. "She's still so tiny. Could I watch her while you talk to Figgins?"

"Sure." Shelby smiled and showed him where to find everything in the diaper bag. "Let me know if you need anything."

"Thanks." Puck said, looking down at his baby girl with a smile on his face.

"Come on you too. Lets see if we can get this Karofsky kid, punished." Shelby said to Kurt and Rachel as she laid a hand on each of their shoulders, guiding them to the office. Shelby knocked on the door and entered at Figgin's approval. "Mr. Figgins?"

"Miss Corcoran, how do you do?" Figgins asked, standing up and shaking Shelby's hand. "Please tell me my students didn't vandalize your property again."

"Ah no. I'm here on behalf of my daughter and her teammate." Shelby said, ushering the two kids to take a seat.

"Miss Berry is your daughter? But I thought-"

"Long story." Rachel said, holding up her hand.

"I see. Well what can I do for you Miss Corcoran?"

"One of the members of the football team used derogatory words towards Kurt and slushied him. After standing up to David for what he did to Kurt, Rachel was cornered by David and 6 other football players. I understand kids are bullied everyday here and that you can't follow each kid around but there should be some sort of punishment for what this kid did."

"The act of slushying the members of New Directions has been happening since it first formed. I have done everything I can to keep it from happening."

"Apparently you haven't been trying hard enough. Since you seemed to have been having an issue with this kid for months now, he should be expelled." Shelby folded her arms. "Because there are only a few weeks left of the year, I believe he shouldn't be able to return until the second half of the next school year."

"I think that is a bit extreme." Figgins said.

"He has shoved me into lockers, called me demeaning names and then practically assaulted Rachel!" Kurt said.

"He what?" Shelby gasped and looked at Rachel, who's eyes were wide. She wasn't planning to tell Shelby until after they had gotten home.

"Kurt!" Rachel hissed.

"Shit, I'm sorry Rachel. I thought you told her."

"I was going too." Rachel muttered and glanced up at Shelby, who was still waiting frantically for Rachel to answer her.

"How did Mr. Karofsky assault you?" The principal asked.

"He pushed me against the wall and ran his hand up my leg, under my skirt. He told me if I gave him what he wants, that he'll give me the attention I'm craving." Rachel explained.

"That little fu-kid needs to be expelled. I will not settle for anything less. If he so much as returns to this school before mid-semester next year and I will pull Rachel from McKinley, then I will tell every newspaper and media outlet within a 15 mile radius that you and the school board have been putting each of these students' safety at risk. I am sure the parents will not be happy to hear about anything that has been said in this room."

"Rachel, I am sorry for what happened to you and I can assure you that Mr. Karofsky will not bother you again. I will speak to the school board about making his expulsion permanent. Mr. Hummel, I will have the secretary write you a pass to class and Ms. Corcoran, I think it would be good for Rachel if she went home for the rest of the day and return Monday morning. Again, I extend my apologies to all three of you."

"Thank you." Shelby said and waited for the two kids to leave before she exited. Shelby walked over to Puck to get Beth into her car seat and Rachel stepped over to her.

"Shelby? I'm gonna go get my things from my locker."

"Just wait a second and I will go with you." Shelby said, quickly making the fussy newborn a bottle. Rachel sighed and sat down in a chair to wait for Shelby to finish. Once Beth was taken care of, Shelby stood up an had Rachel lead the way to her locker.

"So um Kurt and I were talking." Rachel said, turning the dial of the combination lock. "We have this um, duet assignment for glee and he asked me to be his partner. We have a song and everything picked out but we were thinking you could help us, you know make it perfect. I understand if you don't want to because of everything you said about not wanting to coach anymore."

"I'd be glad to work with you two." Shelby smiled, happy that Rachel was asking her for her help.

"Really?" Rachel asked and Shelby nodded.

"When is he coming over next week?"

"Actually we were thinking he could come over tonight."

"I have no problem with that." Shelby shrugged, not wanting to get in the way of Rachel making friends.

"Awesome." Rachel replied and started packing her bag.

"Rachel?" Mr. Hartman, her math teacher said, walking up to her. "I was grading the assignment that was due today. Your level of effort is deeply concerning me. You just scribbled random numbers down."

"I just had a hard time understanding it." Rachel said.

"You and I both know that is not true." He said and pulled a sheet of paper from the stack of paper in his arms. "I know that's not true because of your in class assignment you did today. You got every question right and were the first person to finish it. I am going to give you another copy of the assignment as well as the original one you turned in. It needs to be completed by Monday and the original needs to be signed by one of your dads."

"Okay." Rachel quietly said. Mr. Hartman walked away and Rachel crammed the pages in her bag but Shelby reached down and pulled them back out. Rachel bit her lip and continued collect her things. After she was done, she zipped up her bag and slung it around her shoulder. "I'm ready."

"Good because it seems like we have a lot to talk about." Shelby said.

As they walked down the hall, Rachel stole several glances at Shelby. She was trying to get a reading on what Shelby was thinking but she just saw a mix of emotions.

"Shelby?" Rachel whispered after not being able to figure Shelby out.

"We'll talk when we get home." Shelby replied. Shelby looked down at Rachel, causing the teen to drop her eyes to the ground. Wrapping a free arm around Rachel's shoulders, pulling her close.

Rachel didn't even bother trying to escape to her room or the bathroom. Shelby wanted to talk and there was no way around it so she knew it was best to just get it over with. Dropping her bag on the couch, she returned to the kitchen and sat on a bar stool. Placing the car seat next to the stool across from Rachel, Shelby slid onto the seat. Laying the slightly crumpled papers in front of her.

"I'm gonna do the homework, the right way." Rachel said.

"Yes, you will." Shelby nodded. "Now explain why it was handed in this way, in the first place."

"I tried to work on it yesterday but I couldn't focus on it so I thought I would just do my homework before class. Then I was running behind this morning so I didn't have time to do it and I had to get something on the paper to turn in."

"Rachel if you are going to do something, you should do it with your full effort. Turning your assignment in without even giving the work any thought, is just a waste. I know you care about school and are dead set on doing your best in everything but this was not your best. You will do this assignment before Kurt comes over tonight and the rest of the homework you missed this week needs to be completed before you go to bed tomorrow. If this ever happens again, you will be attending Shelby's Homework Party. Trust me, that is not something you want to be apart of."

"Okay. I promise I will try harder." Rachel said, wringing her hands.

"Lets talk about what happened with this David kid."

"I really don't want too."

"And I don't care if you want too or not, I would like to hear the whole story." Shelby said and after several long seconds of Rachel not making any effort to tell her, she pushed the girl just a bit more. "I have no problem going down to McKinley during glee and asking Kurt what happened."

"Alright, okay." Rachel quietly said and started playing with the ends of her hair. "After I stood up for Kurt, we went into the girls bathroom to get him cleaned up. The bell rang and Kurt told me to go ahead because he didn't want me to be late. At the top of the stairs to go to the main floor, Karofsky and three of his friends were standing there and he wouldn't let me go by so I turned around to go to the other flight of stairs. Only there were three more jocks."

Shelby saw that Rachel was beginning to have a harder time talking and reached across the table and laid her hand out. Rachel slowly extended her arm and placed her palm in Shelby's. "What happened next?"

"He started to talk about what happened after Regionals and he called me some names. After that he smacked my books from my hand and pushed me against the wall. That's when he put is hands on me and said that he'd give me some attention. The bell rang and everyone took off."

"Did he say anything before he left?" Shelby asked and Rachel nodded. "What?"

"He'd kill me if I ever told anyone." Rachel said and finally lifted her head to look at Shelby. "He's going to be so mad when Figgins expels him."

"The only person he should be mad at is himself. You did the right thing by saying something because if you hadn't this could have happened again, only it could have been worse. Now people are going to see this kid for who he really is." Shelby said and gave Rachel's hand a gentle squeeze. "Before Kurt comes over tonight, we are going to file a report against him at the police department."

"What? Shelby, no." Rachel cried out. "It's bad enough that everyone knows about my suicide attempt and now they'll probably know all out this. I don't want to make things worse by going to the cops."

"Honey-"

"No! They already think I am a psycho freak."

"You're not a psycho freak."

"Yes I am! I tried to kill myself."

"That doesn't make you a psycho or a freak, Rachel. You were devastated by your dad leaving, your other dad neglecting you and by me walking away from you for the third time, only to find out that I adopted your friends' baby."

"Quinn is not my friend." Rachel said, pulling her hand away from Shelby as the conversation moved to talk about the Regionals fiasco.

"Regardless, you couldn't handle the pain anymore and you thought it was your only way out. It's not your fault, you couldn't control what we did to you." Shelby told her. "I'd like to talk to you about that day, I want to understand from your perspective about why you did that. I think it would be really good for us to talk about it."

"I don't want too." Rachel shook her head. "At least not right now, too much went on today for me. Can we please talk about it some other time?"

"Sure. When you are ready we can talk." Shelby smiled.

"And can we not go to the police?" Rachel asked and Shelby sighed. "Please?"

"Alright but if he comes near you again, all bets are off." Shelby said, staring at Rachel. "I am serious, I want to know if he tries to do anything again."

"Okay." Rachel agreed.

"Is it alright if I give you a hug?" Shelby asked.

"I-I guess." Rachel nodded and watched carefully as Shelby got up and walked over to her. Resting her head on Shelby's shoulder, she felt the woman giving her a tighter squeeze.

"You're not a freak Rachel." Shelby quietly said. "You are so beautiful, inside and out. You're gonna bloom like a rose when all this darkness fades away. I don't know how long it's gonna take but you won't go through it alone."

Rachel nodded against Shelby and when Shelby pulled away, she tucked some hair behind Rachel's ear. "Is it okay if I go lay down for a little bit before I do my math?"

"Of course." Shelby smiled.

Rachel got off the stool and walked back to her room. After texting Kurt that it was okay for him to come over, she laid down and pulled the blankets up to her chin. Not long after she closed her eyes, Rachel felt a hand running up her leg and touching her hip. His hot breath brushed against her skin. Rachel's eyes flew open and her heart stopped for just a few seconds, leaving her lightly panting. She tried to forget about what happened and laid back down, only to have the same reaction.

She was so tired from not getting decent sleep the night before but she wasn't having any luck with taking a nap. Hearing the TV on in the livingroom she decided to go out there and lay down. Maybe with having someone else in the room, Karofsky wouldn't invade her sleep there. Walking out to the livingroom, she noticed Shelby wasn't there and I quick look out the window told Rachel that Shelby was out getting the mail.

Getting a glass of apple juice, Rachel saw the small basket of medicine bottles on the counter. Normally Shelby kept them hidden where Rachel couldn't find them but in the haste of Rachel trying to get to school, they were forgotten about. She hadn't needed to take the sleeping pills since she was in the hospital but they helped her sleep then without having issues.

Reading the label, it said to take one but Rachel decided three would be better. Then she'd be able to get at least six hours of sleep before Kurt came over. Swallowing the three pills, Rachel placed the bottle on the counter and emptied the last of her juice in the sink. Rachel returned to her room and was in bed just seconds before hearing the front door open. Moments later, the meds began to work and Rachel peacefully slipped into a heavy sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

It had taken over 10 minutes for Shelby to wake Rachel up and she was concerned at the length of the nap Rachel had taken. She assumed the physical and emotional stress had finally taken a toll on Rachel and she just crashed. She knew Rachel hadn't been having exactly the best sleep over the last few days but Rachel wasn't complaining so Shelby didn't push the sleep issue.

Rachel stumbled out of her bedroom and sat at the counter where Shelby was making hamburgers for her and Kurt and Vegan burgers for Rachel. She laid her head on the table top and closed her eyes. Perhaps three pills were one too many. Shelby glanced up from the bowl of raw meat she was mashing and raised a brow.

"You know you could call Kurt and cancel, he is coming over tomorrow night anyway."

"No." Rachel mumbled, keeping her eyes closed.

"You sure?" Shelby asked.

"Yes! Now would you leave me alone?" Rachel snapped, getting up and going over to the couch to lay down.

"Rachel if you are tired and moody, then you need to call Kurt and tell him to not come over."

"I'm not tired and I am not in a bad mood. You're just making a big deal out of nothing." Rachel shouted.

"Okay, that's it. Go to your room." Shelby said, wiping her hands off and walking over to Rachel. "Tell Kurt that he cannot come over tonight and then bring your phone out to me."

"You can't take my phone!" Rachel said, getting up.

"Yes, I can. Now go." Shelby forcefully said. As much as she didn't want to get in the middle of Rachel making friends but she wasn't going to tolerate the back talk and yelling. Rachel glared at Shelby and stormed off to her bedroom.

Slamming the door, she sent Kurt a text and told him the plans were postponed until the following night. Rachel thought about sneaking out the window but there were only two places she could go and Shelby wouldn't have any problem finding her and dragging her back home. Emerging from the room, Rachel handed Shelby her phone..

"Here." Rachel growled and slapped the phone into Shelby's palm. She walked over the couch but didn't get a chance to sit down.

"You need to sit on your bed until dinner is done." Shelby said, as she began putting the food in the fying pans.

"Why? I gave you my phone and Kurt isn't coming over, isn't that enough for you?"

"You still have an attitude."

"Because you wouldn't leave me alone."

"Go to your room and I will come and get you when dinner is done."

"I hate it here." Rachel shouted and stomped down the hall, slamming her door again. She sat down and jumped when the door opened.

"Slam this door one more time and it will be removed." Shelby said, leaving the door opened as she walked back to the kitchen. It was only 15 minutes that Rachel had to sit on her bed and Shelby returned to the bedroom to get her. "It's time to eat."

"I'm not hungry." Rachel said, leaning against the wall with her arms folded.

"I don't care, get to the table." Shelby replied and Rachel refused to move. "Either you get to the table by yourself or I will walk you there myself."

"No. I don't want to eat so there is no point."

"Fine." Shelby said and yanked Rachel off the bed.

"Let me go." Rachel said, trying to pull her arm out of Shelby's tight grip as the two walked down the hall. "Stop."

"No." Shelby said, moving Rachel to sit on the stool and placed a plate in front of her with a Vegan burger and a salad.

"I said I wasn't hungry."

"No, you are just being difficult." Shelby said sitting down to her own plate and began eating. "You're not leaving the table until you eat something so you might as well dig in."

Rachel picked up the tiniest piece of shredded carrot on her plate and nibbled on it. "There." She said and got up.

"Sit." Shelby said, pointing to the chair. Rachel grumbled a few times before she finally sat on the stool again but still didn't touch her food. "I understand you have a lot going on right now and you're trying to get adjusted on your meds but those are not excuses for your behavior. I don't believe that anything I have asked you to do has warranted me getting flack from you. I know I am not your most favorite person in the world and I am sure that your anger towards me about saying you are moody is really a cover for the anger you have over me about regionals."

"Can we be done with this talk?" Rachel asked with sass.

"No because there is something else we need to talk about. Well, actually it is something I need to tell you."

"What's that?" Rachel sighed.

"While you were napping, Principal Figgins called me." Shelby started off. "He suggested that you finish out the year here at home. You can go in to take your finals in person but for now he thinks it would be good for you to take the time off to recover over the summer."

"And you agreed?"

"I tried to negotiate with him about you going in a 2-3 days a week but he wouldn't budge and says the entire school board agrees with him." Shelby said.

"Shelby, no." Rachel said almost near tears. "Try harder. Go to the school board yourself."

"I've already spoke to several board memebers and they are all in favor of you not returning to school." Shelby explained.

"This is going to go on my permanent record and ruin my chances at college in New York." Rachel said covering her face.

"No it won't. They've said that if you stay on top of your school work and pass all your finals, that your record will look as if you had gone to school like normal." Shelby said. "As much as I know you love school and as hard as I fought to get them to change their mind, I think it might do you some good."

"What about glee?" Rachel asked, looking up from her hands.

"Mr. Shuester and Mr. Figgins both approved you to continue in glee. I will take you to your meetings and pick you up." Shelby told her. "It won't be so bad Rachel."

"Yeah." The girl whispered, sorrowfully. "Can I eat in my room?"

Shelby wouldn't have allowed this any other time but she knew Rachel needed some space so she nodded her head. Shelby finished her own dinner and began cleaning up. Rachel came out a short time later with a cleared plate and retrieved her glass from the cabinet and filled it with cool water. As she walked past her mother, Rachel purposefully brushed up against Shelby. She wanted to be comforted by Shelby but was afraid to ask for a hug.

Rachel spent the rest of the evening in her room, not talking to anyone. Shelby was concerned but Rachel wouldn't talk so she let Rachel be and went to bed herself. Rachel stayed in her room most of Saturday morning, Shelby did her best to coax her from the bedroom but nothing worked. Later in the evening, the three boys came over and Shelby was relieved to see that Rachel had gotten dressed to come out to socialize. However, Rachel didn't say much and was late in laughing at jokes.

The group sat at the table 20 minutes after dinner and Rachel got up from the table that had been set up in the livingroom, to go into the kitchen. She was standing at the sink, sipping some cool water, when Shelby walked over to her. Placing a hand on Rachel's shoulder, Shelby leaned down to whisper in her ear.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah." Rachel nodded.

Shelby knew Rachel was lying but she also knew that Rachel wasn't going to talk with her gleemates around. She walked over to the stove and picked up the pan of brownies and carried them to the table, dishing each of the boys out a piece. Placing the pan on the table, she turned to ask Rachel to bring the caramel from the counter back to the table with her but Rachel was no longer in the kitchen.

Rachel was huddled on her bed, with a throw blanket she had gotten from Shelby's room on her way to her own, when Shelby walked into the bedroom. Walking to the other side of the bed, Shelby spotted the cup full of water. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she laid her hand on Rachel's hip.

"Honey, why are you so sad?"

"7 months ago today, Leroy left." Rachel told her with the blanket still over her head. As much as it pained Rachel to refer to her dad by his first name, she couldn't find it in herself to call him dad.

"I'm sorry kiddo, I didn't know." Shelby said, finally understanding why she's been moody lately. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

"Yeah." Rachel said, which shocked Shelby. She was expecting Rachel to just push her away.

"Okay, well you can stay here and rest until I come back after the boys leave." Shelby said, getting up.

She rubbed Rachel's hip gently before she left the room. The boys understood that Rachel was upset and excused themselves, taking Shelby's pan of brownies with promises to return the pan soon. With a large smile, Shelby shook her head as the boys left with the brownies, caramel sauce and three forks. She returned to Rachel's bedroom and found Rachel sitting up in bed, with her back against the corner of the walls.

"Are they mad that I ditched them?" Rachel asked, pulling her knees to her chest.

"No, not at all." Shelby said, sitting down and touching Rachel's shin softly. "So what are ya thinking?"

"I don't know, I guess I just really want to know why he left. Leroy and Hiram were fighting a lot but that still doesn't mean that he should have walked away without telling me or staying in contact."

"No, he should have done that to you. It wasn't fair for someone who had been in your life since you were born, to just walk away. I know that I'm not one to talk but-"

"-At least you gave me a reason." Rachel mumbled, cutting Shelby off.

"But it wasn't a good enough reason and honestly, I don't think there is one." Shelby said. "You of all people don't deserve to be living the life you've been given and I am so sorry, I didn't see or even bother to find out if everything was okay."

"I wanted to tell you, I tried but I so scared that you would walk away because I am such a-"

"Don't finish that." Shelby cut her off and Rachel bowed her head. "You are not fucked up, stupid, a loser, unlovable, a waste of a life or anything else negative that you may think you are. The only reason you are the way you are is because you've been done wrong by so many people. You mean something in this world. Whether it be the joy you bring people when you sing or how how you can light up the room by just walking in. You mean something, especially to me."

At this, Rachel raised her head to look at Shelby. "No one has ever said I meant something to them."

"It's very true Rachel, I am not just saying that to make you feel better. I mean it, you are extremely important to me."

"You sure?" Rachel quietly asked. Shelby leaned forward and put her hands on Rachel's cheeks, forcing Rachel to look her in the eyes.

"Most definitley." Shelby assured her. Shelby pulled the girl's head to her lips and kissed her forehead. Rachel wrapped her arms around Shelby's neck and Shelby moved her hands from Rachel's face and returned the hug.

"Please don't leave me or give me back. I'll try so hard to be the daughter you want and not get in anymore trouble but please don't send me back." Rachel whispered into Shelby's shoulder. The whisper gradually turned into a gentle cry, that caught Shelby's heart.

"You are not going back." Shelby firmly told her. "I swear I will not leave you again. I refuse to make that same mistake again."

Rachel let Shelby hold her for a few more minutes, before she pulled away and went into the bathroom. She sat on the closed toilet seat lid and placed her elbows on her thighs and laid her face in her palms.

"Get a grip Rachel." She mumbled to herself. "This doesn't solve your issues."

"Rach?" Shelby asked, knocking on the door after hearing her talking to herself. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah." Rachel called out, then lowered her voice. "Just doubting everything I am starting to believe."

"What was that?" Shelby asked, not hearing the last thing Rachel said.

"Nothing." Rachel called out and walked out of the bathroom, moving past Shelby. She returned to her bed and pulled the blanket back over her body. The sweet subtle smell of Shelby's perfume, blew in Rachel's face and settled through out the room.

Shelby followed Rachel into her room and sighed when she realized Rachel was done talking with her but wasn't quite ready to leave the room just yet. There was so much that she wanted to say but nothing was coming out and she wasn't sure if Rachel would even want to hear her. She just wanted Rachel to know how sorry she was and no matter how many times she said it, there seemed to be nothing she could say to make her or Rachel understand why she did it.

Rachel's eyes squeezed shut as she felt Shelby sitting on the bed. A gentle hand ran a small path from her knee to mid thigh just once and Rachel pulled away.

"Don't, please." Rachel gasped.

"Sorry, I'll just go clean up the livingroom and kitchen." Shelby said standing up.

"No, don't go." Rachel said, partially sitting up enough to look at Shelby and the woman sat back down. "You just can't touch me like that, it reminds me of.."

"David." Shelby finished for her, when Rachel couldn't. "Rest your head, Honey."

"Don't leave." Rachel whispered as she laid down and balled her hands into the blanket and pulled it to her chin.

"I won't." Shelby assured her. It was only 9pm but Shelby could tell that Rachel was defeated for the day and wanted to go to sleep. She scooted closer to Rachel's upper body and laid a hand on Rachel's blanket covered arm.

_When the weight of the world_  
><em> Bares down so strong it<em>  
><em> Leaves footprints on the street<em>  
><em> And there's too many miles to face<em>  
><em> Without a few more hours sleep<em>  
><em> The storm clouds overhead won't she'd<em>  
><em> Any rain to quench your thirst<em>  
><em> I wanna be the one you reach for first<em>

_ When your faith is stretched so thin_  
><em> That you can see right through your soul<em>  
><em> And you can't find a nickel to buy a smile<br>cuz all ur pockets all got holes_  
><em> You wanna shut the door and<em>  
><em> Hide before the day can get much worse<em>  
><em> I wanna be the one you reach for first<em>

_ Fall into me_  
><em> My arms are opened wide<em>  
><em> And you don't have to say a word<em>  
><em> Cuz I already see<em>  
><em> That it's hard<em>  
><em> And you're scared<em>  
><em> And you're tired<em>  
><em> And it hurts<em>  
><em> And I wanna be the one you reach for first<em>

_ I wanna be the bottle you've been drinkin with your eyes_  
><em> Or the road you run away on<em>  
><em> You've been runnin all your life<em>  
><em> The third row pew that you last knew<em>  
><em> As a child in church<em>  
><em> I wanna be the one you reach for first<em>

_ Fall into me_  
><em> My arms are opened wide<em>  
><em> And you don't have to say a word<em>  
><em> Cuz I already see<em>  
><em> That it's hard<em>  
><em> And you're scared<em>  
><em> And you're tired<em>  
><em> And it hurts<em>  
><em> And I wanna be the one you reach for first<em>

_ Before you turn the key_  
><em> Before you fall asleep<em>  
><em> Before you drift away<em>  
><em> To find some demons waiting for you<em>  
><em> In your dreams<em>  
><em> Before your arms stretched wide open<em>  
><em> Before you're reaching for the sky<em>  
><em> Before you're searching for direction<em>  
><em> And all the answers to your why's<em>

_ Fall into me_  
><em> My arms are stretched opened wide<em>  
><em> You don't have to say a word<em>  
><em> Cuz I already see<em>  
><em> That it's hard<em>  
><em> And your scared<em>  
><em> And your tired<em>  
><em> And it hurts<em>  
><em> And I wanna be the one you reach for first<em>

Rachel was sleeping by the time Shelby sand the last note and she laid down next to Rachel, fixing the blankets once her head was next to the girl's. She just stared at Rachel sleeping in a blissful and calm state. For right now, all was right in Shelby's world. She knew there was a long road ahead for Rachel's recovery and for them to work out a decent relationship but something in the way Rachel acted towards her tonight, she knew that it was possible for Rachel to love her in return with the same amount of love Shelby had for Rachel.

* * *

><p>I dont' know about you but I don't think Rachel is going to like having to do school work from home with Shelby around.<p> 


	7. Chapter 7

Just a few hours into the night, Beth's cries screamed through the small apartment. She was hungry and had been whimpering for her mom but when she didn't come, the screams began. Shelby had fallen asleep while lying next to Rachel. Her eyes opened to see that she was still in Rachel's room, with the girl peacefully sleeping beside her. Quickly yet carefully, Shelby pushed herself off the firm mattress and hurried to quiet the newborn before Rachel was disturbed. Lifting the baby out of her crib, Shelby one handedly made a bottle and walked out to the livingroom to finish feeding Beth. A few yawns escaped from Shelby's lips as she gently used one foot to rock the recliner. Shelby's eyes drifted shut a few times and eventually she let the close.

Rachel rolled over in her sleep but opened her eyes when she didn't feel Shelby next to her. It was only of the first times where she was really able to get some good sleep in and Rachel was sure it was because of Shelby being there. It made her feel safe even though she wasn't sure she could completely trust her mom. Trying for over a half hour to go back to sleep, Rachel pushed herself out of bed. Being awake made her think of her dads, Shelby leaving her, Dave touching her and everything else that was going wrong in her life. She wasn't feeling overly emotional but she did want to return to sleep. Figuring a couple sleeping pills would do the trick, she crept into the kitchen.

Shelby peeked an eye open at hearing some fussing in the kitchen. Rachel was pouring herself a glass of water, so Shelby let her be for the moment. Hearing the rattling of the pill bottle, Shelby's eyes popped open.

"Rach?" She whispered, trying to not wake Beth and startle Rachel.

"Oh, Shelby." Rachel jumped, putting her hand over her heart. "You scared the crap out of me."

"Sorry, I was trying not too." Shelby said, carrying Beth into the kitchen. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I just I can't go back to sleep."

"Alright, well one of those will help you out." Shelby said, hinting at Rachel that she was going to be watching her.

"Right." Rachel nodded and took one of the pills. Shelby held her hand out for the bottle and replaced it in the basket and put it away in a cabinet. "I'm gonna go lay down."

"Okay, baby." Shelby said, leaning forward and kissing Rachel's forehead. "Let me know if you need anything."

"Yeah." Rachel sighed and walked back to her room. One pill seemed to be enough to make Rachel drowsy but wasn't enough to full put her to sleep.

Shelby returned to her bedroom and laid Beth in her crib. Checking on Rachel, she saw the girl's eyes closed and assumed she was asleep. During the day it was nearly impossible for Shelby to get a few minutes alone between the two girls needs. Starting the bath water, Shelby added some lilac scented bubbles to the hot water and slipped into the tub. She kept the door cracked open a bit so she could hear if either girl got up.

Rachel took the water running as a chance to go back into the kitchen. Getting on her tip toes, she stretched to reach the basket. Taking out the bottle, Rachel dumped several into her hand and put everything away before hurrying back to her room with her glass of water. Rachel took a few more pills and tucked the rest into the pocket of one of her sweaters hanging in the closet. Returning back to bed, Rachel pulled Shelby's blanket close to her.

Using her neatly painted big toe to turn of the tap, Shelby contently sighed leaning back into the bubbles. Her relaxing bath came to a quick end when something crashed in the kitchen. Getting out of the tub, Shelby wrapped her silky black robe around her and tied the belt in place. The basket of medicines was spilled all over the counter and floor. Tossing all the items back in the basket, Shelby picked up the bottle of sleeping pills and noticed for the first time how empty it was. The lable read 60 pills which should have made the bottle last two months but when Shelby began counting them, she realized how many were missing. Forgetting about the task at hand, Shelby ran into Rachel's room and flipped on the light.

"Rachel?" Shelby asked, sitting on the edge of the bed and pulled the blanket from Rachel's face.

"Shel-" Rachel could barely finish her name.

"Rachel, how many pills did you take?" Shelby asked. She knew Rachel had gone back for more because she had purposefully pushed the basket far back into the cabinet. Rachel was the only one who could have moved it.

"I didn't-" Rachel groggily said.

"Rachel, answer me." Shelby sternly said, making Rachel look at her. "How many did you take?"

"Four." Rachel mumbled.

"Shit." Shelby whispered under her bed. She got off the bed and grabbed the house phone. "I need an ambulance."

"What's your emergency?" The operator said.

"My daughter, she took four sleeping pills." Shelby frantically said, pacing the hallway and ultemitly sitting by Rachel. "She has a history of being suicidal."

"Not. No." Rachel mumbled some more.

"Shhh." Shelby soothed. "It's gonna be okay. They're on their way, honey."

Shelby got Beth into her car seat without waking the baby up which shocked Shelby but thanked God over and over. A screaming baby was not something she needed to deal with right now. After changing into some comfortable clothes, Shelby began stuffing the diaper bag with everything she was going to need for the rest of the night and most of tomorrow. For 5 minutes Shelby waited for the ambulance to arrive and when they did, she led them to Rachel's room. She was immediatly but on oxygen and an IV before she even reached the hospital.  
>Shelby's leg bounced rapidly as she waited for the attending doctor to come out to talk to her. Beth had woken up for a diaper change but Shelby managed to lull her back to sleep with a few softly sung verses of Defying Gravity. Another two hours later, Shelby was able to see Rachel. The doctor had pumped her stomach and now Rachel was resting.<p>

Hearing her mom and sister getting settled into the room, Rachel opened her eyes to let Shelby know she was awake.

"Hey there." Shelby softly smiled and leaned down to tuck Rachel's hair behind her ears. Rachel's face instantly contorted into tears. "Rachel? Honey, don't cry. It's all gonna be okay."

"No it's not. They're gonna put me back into the psych ward." Rachel sobbed.

"I don't know what they have planned yet."

"But I didn't mean too."

"Mean to take four pills? Rachel how do you not mean too?" Shelby asked, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"I was only taking them so I could fall asleep. I wasn't trying to kill myself. I just wanted to sleep. One was only making me tired but I couldn't fall asleep."

"Rach-" Shelby started.

"I swear, I am being honest. Please believe me, please Shelby?" Rachel begged.

"Calm down, I believe you." Shelby said, holding Rachel's hand. "Like I said, I don't know what they are going to do other than have you speak with a counselor again. When the doctor comes back to check on you, we'll see what he has to say. For now, just try to relax for me."

"Okay." Rachel meekly nodded.

"We'll get through this Rach, I promise you." Shelby assure Rachel. She continued to stroke Rachel's hair until the girl fell asleep. Getting settled into her own chair, she waited until the doctor came in. Once Shelby explained the situation to the doctor, he decided if the therapist felt Rachel was telling the truth, he'd release her later on in the afternoon once Rachel got some sleep and could speak with the therapist.

"What'd he say?" Rachel yawned. Hearing the door open the first time woke Rachel up and she saw the two talking outside her window.

"If the counselor gives the okay, you can go home this afternoon." Shelby smiled.

"Good."

"But I don't want you lying to her just so you can go home." Shelby firmly said.

"I won't." Rachel replied and yawned again.

"Good." Shelby softly said. "Now close your eyes and I'll wake you when the counselor gets here."

"Shelby?" Rachel muttered as her eyes fluttered groggily.

"Hmm?" Shelby hummed.

"Sit with me?" She asked, tugging at the blanket.

"Sure." Shelby resonded and moved Beth's car seat to sit next to the bed. She then moved the blankets back and got into the bed with Rachel. The teen waited until Shelby was comfortable, then cuddled into her.

"Thank you." Rachel whispered. She remembered how nice it felt earlier to have Shelby sleeping next to her and right now she knew Shelby was all she had. For the moment, Rachel was willing to let all of her negative emotions towards Shelby go so she could have decent sleep without drugs.

"Anytime." Shelby replied as Rachel's breathing evened out and soon the two both fell asleep.  
>About 5 in the morning, Rachel was woken up by a nurse unhooking her from all of her tubes. Rachel was happy to be free but sleep felt so much better. Once the nurse was gone, Rachel snuggled back into Shelby.<p>

9 am rolled around and Shelby was down in the cafeteria feeding Beth and herself. Shortly after Rachel returned to sleep, Beth was up and ready to start her day. Carrying Beth and a small tray of food up to Rachel's room, Shelby smiled at Rachel when she saw her daughter was up.

"Morning sleepy head."

"Morning." Rachel said with a small smile.

"I brought you some breakfast. It's not as good as mine but it will have to do." She said and the moment she placed the tray down, Rachel dug right in.

"Well you do have them beat on breakfast but I think they win in the lunch and dinner category." Rachel stated.

"Give me a break, I've lived on Ramen noodles, Mac n cheese, bolonga sandwhiches and blueberry eggo waffles while I was in New York. Then of course with late running VA rehersals I pretty much kept McDonalds, Burger King and Breadstix in business. I never really had the chance to learn how to cook Lunch and dinner." Shelby chuckled.

"I can teach you." Rachel suggested, biting into a vegan pancake.

"You cook?"

"I was left alone for years to fend for myself." Rachel pointed out.

"Right." Shelby quietly replied.

"It's whatever though." Rachel brushed it off.

"We can talk about it. You know, if you want too." Shelby said, sitting down with Beth laying on her chest.

"Maybe one day." Rachel repsonded and looked to Shelby for her reaction. Shelby gave her a light smile that said she would be waiting for the day but wouldn't push her if she wasn't ready. After she finished her breakfast in silence, Rachel wiped her face and hands. "Shelby?"

"Yes?" Shelby replied, looking up.

"We can still go to that retreat right?" Rachel asked, fumbling with the napkins.

"Of course. If you want to, we can go." Shelby grinned widely. She had hoped Rachel would decide to go.

"It's just, I know I haven't been very open to giving you much of a chance but I want to try. I'm so angry over everything with my dads, Dave and you and I am tired of being angry. I can't change the incident with Dave or Leroy taking off or Hiram ditching me but I can change what I have with you." Rachel explained. "It's going to take more than just the two of us to work through what happened, we are going to need outside help and if this retreat can give some insight, then I am all for it."

"I'm in too." Shelby said, reaching for Rachel's hand. "You have no idea how much this all means to me. Just hearing you say you'll give me another chance is all I've wanted to hear."

"But there is one condition I have." Rachel said, trying to sound serious but her voice was cracking from the tears.

"What's that?" Shelby asked, taking care of her own tears.

"The custody papers. Is to too late to change them?" Rachel asked and Shelby grew extremely curious.

"No, I mean I don't think so. Why?"

"I don't feel like I belong to anyone. It's safe to say I'm not a Berry anymore but I'm not a Corcoran either. So I've kinda been thinking that you could give me your last name. If you and Beth are going to be my family, I want to feel included. I know something as small as a name shouldn't change us being or going to be a family but I just- I want, I-"

"You don't need to explain, Rachel." Shelby said, the tears now coming down faster than before. "I would love it if you had my last name. Whatever it takes to make you feel apart of the family, I will do it."


	8. Chapter 8

**I was told to get off my butt and update so here it is :)**

* * *

><p>Rachel and Shelby walked into the apartment with several bags from the drugstore in hand and another bag filled with the girls' lunch. Shelby put Beth in her swing that was located in the livingroom and sat down with Rachel to eat.<p>

The doctor and counselor both deemed Rachel to be well enough to return home. Shelby had talked to the counselor about tips to keep Rachel from repeating history and the three stopped at Walgreens to pick up a few items. Rachel wasn't sure what Shelby had purchased, as Shelby had asked her to sit in the car with Beth.

"So then, the guys pretty much stormed out and my plan to be at the top of the list failed." Rachel sighed, explaining the Run Joey Run fiasco.

"Do you still have the video?" Shelby wondered. After hearing the story, Shelby was now more curious than ever to see it.

"It's at my dad's house."

"Well it will stay there until we go get the rest of your things." Shelby said, giving Rachel a pointed look.

"Yeah. Yeah. I know." Rachel rolled her eyes. "It's not like I'll get away with it considering I am now attending Corcoran High school."

"I really did try to talk to the school board, you know?" Shelby said, standing up to throw her trash away. "I know finishing the year with your classmates is what you wanted."

"It is what it is, right?" Rachel said, handing her trash to Shelby. "Hopefully by September, I'll be better and everything will return to normal."

"I'm sure it will."

"Since I am done eating, can I watch TV?" Rachel asked, washing her hands.

"First the trash needs to go out. Make sure to empty the bathroom trash and the diaper can that's in my room." Shelby called out as Rachel headed to the back of the apartment.

Shelby opened the first of the drugstore bags and pulled out a small medicine safe. She was in the middle of setting it up, when Rachel walked back into the kitchen with the two small trash bags. Rachel wasn't sure what Shelby was messing with and grabbed the kitchen trash before slipping on her flip flops to go outside to the trash can.

Coming back inside, Rachel stopped when she saw Shelby organizing all the medicines inside.

"Am I really that bad?" Rachel whispered.

Shelby whipped around, then glanced back at the safe then to Rachel again. "It's not that you're bad, honey. It's to keep you safe and to limit your temptations. Think of it as a way to help you get better and to make sure yesterday doesn't repeat itself."

"Okay." Rachel said, wiping her eyes.

"Oh don't do that." Shelby said, crinkling her nose.

She took Rachel by the arm and led her to the sink. She washed the girl's hands and used a damp paper towel to wipe the spot on the corner of her eyes that Rachel had just rubbed. The thought of Rachel touching the trash can and then her eyes, grossed Shelby out.

"Can I go watch TV now?" Rachel asked and Shelby nodded.

Once everything was taken care of and cleaned up from lunch, Shelby walked into the livingroom and stood behind the couch. She leaned down, resting her arms across the back of the couch and rested a hand on Rachel's shoulder. The girl looked at her mom and leaned back with a smile.

"So how are you feeling?" Rachel asked.

"Tired but for the most part, I am going great." Shelby replied. "What about you?"

"Pretty good." Rachel nodded.

The two turned their attention to the TV but the doorbell ringing moments later, distracted Shelby from the show Rachel had chosen. Rachel picked up the remote and turned down the volume for Shelby and watched over her shoulder to see who was at the door.

"I didn't do it." Rachel added before Shelby opened the door.

The mom rolled her eyes as she twisted the door knob. "Mom?" Shelby gasped out.

Rachel's eyes widened and she jumped up from the couch. Shelby was just as surprised as Rachel and stepped further into the apartment for Tamara Corcoran to walk in. The older version of Shelby pulled her sunglasses off her face and pushed them on top of her head.

"There's my brand new granddaughter." Tamara squealed.

Shelby tilted her head a little annoyed that her mother hadn't said one word to her. She shifted her glance over to Rachel who was backing out of the livingroom, towards her room. Shelby held up a hand for her to stop and Rachel did as she was asked.

"Shelby." Tamara said, scooping up the infant and standing back up. "I know having a new baby is hard work but I'm sure you could find the time to clean up a little."

"Like you said taking care of a newborn is hard and I do clean up but today has been kind of hectic and I haven't gotten around to it." Shelby said with a sigh, rubbing her temples.

She could already feel a headache coming on.

"This place is disgusting." Tamara said, grimacing at the couch. Shelby seriously expected her to sit on that? "There's clothes, baby crap, food and shoes laying all over."

"Like I said mother, today has been a bit more crazy than usual." Shelby said, sitting in the recliner and biting her tongue at the faces Tamara was making as she sat down. "So what brings you to Lima?"

"When I heard you adopted a baby, I got on the earliest flight I could find." Tamara said and looked down at Beth. "Although, I'm sot sure what possessed you to name this cute little thing Beth. Such a wretched name."

"It was the name her birth parents had picked out and I felt the least I could do for the couple was to keep the name. They had already given me the greatest gift." Shelby said and looked up to her first greatest gift, Rachel. "Mom, I'd like-"

"Please tell me you didn't get her from some teenage slut and to be quite honest, I have no idea where this idea popped into your head that you needed to quit a good paying job to adopt a baby. These things need to be thought out, Shelby and not done on a whim. I think you should go back to Carmel and teach, instead of laying around here, living off your savings." Tamara cut her off. "I suppose, though, a single woman adopting a baby is better than giving one away to a pair of homosexuals."

Rachel's eyes twisted to a dark color. Shelby's widened and then darkened like Rachel's and she opened her mouth to say something but was stopped again.

"I still don't understand that one." Tamara shook her head. "I'm sure that baby grew up to be messed up in the head. First being given up by it's mother and then being raised by two gay men. Such a pity."

"Mother!" Shelby angrily hissed.

"What?"

"I have asked you before to not speak about Rachel or her fathers in that way." Shelby said, folding her arms. "They have done a better job in raising her, than I could ever have done."

"Oh? And how would you know? You just waltzed out of that hospital like nothing ever happened. Two day after popping that kid out of you, you took off for New York."

"I acted like nothing happened because it was the only way to keep from falling apart. I cried so much during my stay in the hospital and I begged and pleaded for my baby but it was too late. I will never forgive myself for what happened and I regret not being in my daughter's life. You think it was easy on me? You think I didn't care? If I didn't care, then explain these." Shelby said, lifting up her shirt.

She revealed her toned and tanned stomach and the faint white lines on each side of her belly button. Two weeks after giving Rachel up, Shelby had been staring at herself in the mirror, running her hands along her still puffy belly. The spot her daughter once occupied. Something inside Shelby snapped and she picked up a packing knife and ran the blade across her belly. She had done it many times but only eleven scars were noticeable.

"Mom?" Rachel breathed out, covering her mouth.

"I hated myself Rachel." Shelby said, turning to her daughter and pulling down her shirt with tears in her eyes. "I hated losing you."

There was nothing Rachel could think of to say. Instead, she stepped over to her mom and wrapped her arms around her. Holding on to her tightly, she let Shelby cry the tears she had tried so hard to keep at bay. When Shelby's cries subsided, Shelby stepped back and cleaned up her face with her sleeve.

"This is a joke right?" Tamara said, standing up.

"Mom, this is Rachel. Your first granddaughter." Shelby said, her voice still shaky.

"But how?"

"Around Thanksgiving last year, I saw Rachel performing at Sectionals and I knew I had to meet her. I had to be in her life. In May, Rachel found out that I was her mother. It was hard for me to accept that Rachel wasn't a baby anymore and that baby I had longed for so long to hold and have, was no longer a baby but an adult. So, I, um, I told Rachel we should be grateful for one another from afar." Shelby said, glancing at Rachel for a moment. "A little over a week ago, the day Beth was born, Rachel's glee club and my glee club competed at Regionals. It was there that Rachel tried once again to forge a relationship with me but I walked away, again. I asked to adopt Beth a few hours later and the rest of the story is for another time when Rachel is ready to tell you. Long story short, Rachel is now living with Beth and I. Her fathers' are giving me custody and legally I will be Rachel's mother."

"And I am just hearing about this?" Tamara exclaimed.

"It's nice to meet you too." Rachel muttered.

"A rude one she is." Tamara murmured as she stepped past the two brunettes. Shelby nudged Rachel and gave her a warning look.

"Sorry mom, Rachel normally isn't like this." Shelby responded.

"How would you know? You learned everything about Rachel in 8 days?" Tamara bounced Beth in her arms, speaking to the baby as she did so. "But that's what happens when a young woman gives her baby up to two homos and then disappears, the child grows up not having good, wholesome values."

Forgetting Shelby's warning, Rachel faced her grandmother.

"You know I always thought Shelby was the biggest bitch on the planet but congratulations, lady, you take the cake." Rachel said, crossing her arms.

"Rachel." Shelby said, taking a hold of her out of line teenager's arm. "That's enough."

"I don't think so." Rachel said, turning her head to narrow her eyes at Tamara. "You know the entire time you've been here, not once have you said anything positive to Shelby. You've talked smack about her, the way she keeps house, and have had no problem throwing her past mistakes in her face. She has taken enough crap from me, which I am the only one in this house who has the right to be mad at her over her leaving me, she doesn't need it from you."

"I didn't agree with her choices." Tamara said.

"Who cares?" Rachel shouted. "Those were Shelby's choices, Shelby decided to become a surrogate and has to live with the decisions she made."

"Shelby can't be a proper mother if-"

"Hold on a second." Rachel held her hand up. "Don't even think about making any comment about being a proper mother. You're not even a proper mother."

Shelby thought many times about intervening but Shelby was really proud of Rachel for standing up for her.

"Yeah my mom has made some mistakes but we are working through them together. I am so grateful, and I know Beth will be too someday, to have Shelby in my life. Whether she kept be from the day I was born or came into my life a decade later, she has done her best to be the mother I need and want her to be." Rachel kept going. She stomped over to her grandmother and gently plucked her sister from Tamara's arms. "Now I think you need to leave and come back when you can respect Shelby, especially in her own house." Rachel laid Beth's head on her chest and faced her mom. "I will leave you to say goodbye."

Shelby watched Rachel in astonishment as Rachel entered her bedroom and closed the door.

"You need to put your foot down." Tamara said, adjusting her maroon blouse.

"You're right." Shelby nodded and walked past her mother. She opened the front door and pointed outside. "Get out."

"What?" Tamara asked, incredulously. Stepping out onto the small porch.

"I'm putting my foot down. Get out." Shelby repeated. "You've done enough here today and I agree with Rachel, you need to not come back here until you have respect for me, my house, and my daughters. Whether you agree with my situation with Rachel and Beth or not, it's the way things are and I am not going to let you disrupt our lives with your negativity."

Shelby didn't offer a goodbye and closed the door with a click of the lock.

Walking into Rachel's room, Shelby leaned against the door frame. Rachel looked up from her spot on the bed and peered over her sister's tiny head. Holding the baby carefully in front of her, she used her best baby voice.

"Don't be mad at Rachie, mommy."

"Oh? Why shouldn't I be?" Shelby asked, playing along. She sat on the bed in front of her daughters.

"She was only sticking up for the two of us. Rachie knows speaking to adults in that manner isn't a good idea and is really sorry."

"I see. Well, when you see Miss Rachie, you can tell her I am not mad and won't be facing any sort of punishments." Shelby said, looking past Beth to Rachel.

Rachel placed Beth back in her lap and smiled at her mom. "Beth sure has an advanced vocabulary for a one week old."

"Which must be from spending time with me because Quinn and Puck aren't exactly the sharpest tools in the shed." Rachel said.

"Maybe not but they make cute kids together."

Rachel could see, this wasn't really a topic Shelby didn't want to talk about and she respected that and changed the subject.

"There's a park a little ways away, maybe we could take Beth for a walk?" Rachel suggested.

"You know what. I have something better." Shelby smiled and got to her feet.

"What's that?"

"Get changed and meet me by the front door in ten." Shelby said, walking to her bedroom, leaving Rachel confused.

She got up from her bed and closed the door and laid Beth safely in the middle of her bed. Undressing, Rachel slipped a blue and white polka dotted dress over her head. Pulling her hair into a loose side ponytail, Rachel put on a new pair of shoes and grabbed her purse before going to the front door. She only had to wait a few minutes before Shelby took Beth from her and they went out to the car.

"Where are we going?" Rachel asked. Sensing an 'I see', Rachel quickly put an end to that. "The real answer, none of those statements parents use to answer their kid's questions without really answering them."

Shelby looked at Rachel with with a smile and a deep laugh as she slid her sunglasses over her face.

"I wasn't going to say anything other than we're going to have fun for once. We've either been cooped up in the house or at the hospital and I think it's time for some good excitement."

"What do you have in mind?" Rachel asked, buckling her seatbelt.

Less than thirty minutes later, Rachel and Shelby were sitting in spa chairs, with their feet soaking in warm lavender water. Shelby was in the middle of getting her fingernails painted, while Rachel held Beth. The nail technician, lifted one of Rachel's feet out of the water and started the pedicure. Beth's tiny little body was too much for Rachel. She got the overwhelming feeling to squeeze the baby with the most loving hug. Beth was just too cute for words.

"I can't wait to have kids." Rachel said, kissing the sleeping baby's cheek.

Beth had become accustomed to being moved and touched in her sleep, she didn't even move an inch as Rachel fussed with her. When Shelby didn't say anything right away, the teen looked up and noticed her mom was giving her a look.

"Of course not yet." Rachel rolled her eyes.

"Of course not yet." Shelby sternly repeated.

"I have plans." Rachel said. "A baby doesn't fit into those plans until further down the road."

"Plans? Like after high school plans?" Shelby asked.

"Yeah." Rachel nodded. "I mean for a while now I really haven't cared much about my life but I would be lying if I said I have completely given up on everything. I've had these depressive moments but I could always count on graduating high school, turning 18 and getting the hell out of Lima. Even when I reached rock bottom, there was still a little glimmer of hope."

"There is always hope, as long as you believe in it." Shelby said. "So tell me your plans."

"Well after high school, I want to attend college in New York. I will be on Broadway before I graduate and have a Tony by the time I am 25. After that, I'll take a small break to start a family and I will go back after the baby turns one."

"That's nice." Shelby said.

She wanted to point out that life wasn't going to be as easy as she had planned out but Rachel of all people knew this. Shelby also didn't want to put a damper on their relatively calm day.

"So has your mom always been, well." Rachel searched for a politer word than bitch. "Um, that way?"

"Pretty much, yeah." Shelby nodded.

"Why do you put up with it? I mean you didn't really say much to the way she was putting you down."

"I don't really talk to her much, hence the fact that she found out I adopted Beth through other family members. I'm use to not being good enough for her and gave up trying to be. It was a waste of time and energy. Past actions haven't shown this but Rachel I am so serious when I say, you are good enough for me. The only thing I want you to change about yourself is the way you handle stress when it gets to be too much. I don't care if you have to stand there and scream for hours at me or slap me across the face, anything to keep you from feeling like life is too hard to live. I can't lose you, Rachel."

"You know, I could get use to having a mother around." Rachel laughed, trying not to cry.

"You better." Shelby laughed too, reaching over to brush away Rachel's unshed tears with her free hand. "Because I am following you all the way to New York or where ever you end up."

"As long as I don't have to live with you forever, right?" Rachel asked. "I mean, we can live in the same city but as an adult, having my space is important too. It'll be nice having you close but I have my own life to live too."

"Of course. I mean I am sure we can find plenty of nice apartments close to each other." Shelby nodded, understanding Rachel's wishes to be on her own. "I just don't want to have to book a flight and have to make major plans to see you."

"Me either because a trip will be impossible between my performances, workshop readings, interviews and possible tours around the country." Rachel stated, reaching into the diaper bag for Beth's pacifier as the baby started to whine a little bit. "But don't worry, I'll have my assistant pencil you in."

Shelby shook her head and smiled widely. Rachel really was something.


End file.
